When the emotional intensity and severity of your behaviour doesn’t match the situation at hand, YOU ARE OVER REACTING
We all get angry; however women more often than men, and atimes we ask, could this because the women folk feel powerless, out of control, unsecured, injustice?. Anger is not a bad thing actually but over reacting is another matter on its own entirely, sometimes is perceived that the closer your attachment and relationship with someone the more their words seems to affect to you
Though often than ever there is a show of external over reactions by visible responses that others can see (e.g lashing out in anger, throwing your hands up and walking away from a situation etc.) and there is an exhibition of internal over reaction through emotional responses that remains inside that others may or may not be aware of; most especially wondering if you said the right thing, over analyzing a comment made by a friend or loved one. Personally I have come to discover that most times statements made while over reacting to an issue always attracts response of same velocity with the statements so made out of over reaction.
Many a times over the years there have been issues when it comes to understanding women, though it is generally believed that women are guided by their emotions rather than rational thinking, women compared to men are more open with their emotions, therefore it is recognized they are more emotional than logical and often act irrationally.
It is no surprise that many men and women have trouble agreeing on certain things. The fact is that we are different, and with those differences comes huge misunderstandings.
Carpenter opines in his work “power of the sub-conscious mind” that besides the physical differences, there are emotional differences and, as a result, men and women interact differently, it went further to state that men are goal oriented and want to work out their problems alone, most women are more into relationship and feelings. They need to talk to someone who just listens, these are valid differences, but even if you do not know this much, man and women can still talk and get along, at worst if the differences are too large, they can go their separate ways.
Perhaps the root of what causes the constant clashing of words between the two sexes is the fact that while most men can simply make a decision and stick to it whether they regret it or not, women have no problem changing every detail of their original plan even if it is last minute or it causes much more inconvenience than necessary.
THEY ARE INDECISIVE:
Women can go from being in a fantastic mood to suddenly miserable mood within minutes. The reason for attitude swings of this nature is not PMS (premenstrual syndrome) or other hormonal factors they try to blame it on, it is simply because they cannot decide if they want to be in a good or bad mood.
They also change their mood based on whom they are surrounded with to act more in accordance to how they feel when their behavior is really just putting a damper on everyone else’s good time. These are the kind of women that change their clothes five to ten times before leaving the house or randomly refuse to speak if they are around someone that they dislike. Deciding on a restaurant suddenly becomes a difficult task, but not as difficult as figuring out which change of plans she’ll come up with at the last minute.
Much of the indecision may be influenced by the way a woman can react. Something as simple as a text message can be analyzed and read into for a half hour when the only words in the message read “hey what are you up to today?”. She will ask everyone of her friends what it might mean and how the question was supposed to be delivered when in actuality the guy was probably just wondering what your plans were for the day. Women also overreact after their friend does something that irks them for some reason. While women go through friends like they never even existed, men tend to see the situation for what it is and resolve the problem instead of cutting communication off and searching for new friends.
While men are in a bad mood, they know it’s only a pointless distraction and then get on with their lives. Women, on the other hand seem to have the urge to become more vocal about their problems, regardless of how unimportant the issue may be. They will complain to whoever listens and when asked why they are in such a craze they simply blame it on hormones.
It has gotten to a point in time where women straight up know they are overreacting yet decide to blame it on that lovely time of the month. They blame so much of their irrational actions on their hormones or PMS that men now have reason to believe that the cycle of a woman’s period never stops, it just gets particularly worse for a certain four days.
Women just don’t know how to deal with what goes on in their heads. This is why they need men, to witness how different life could be if men don`t succumb to the urge to break down emotionally every time they are not pleased with the current situation. If only women were not too distracted by their overreactions to learn why men don’t handle stress the way they do.
Women still do not understand that letting inconvenience get the best of you does not help you feel better. They need to acknowledge how pointless it is to get worked up over little things. If someone offends you, consider the possibility that the insult is not about you. Maybe the neighbor who snapped at you was just given a pay cut at work and is feeling discouraged, or the person who cut you off in traffic is rushing to the hospital to see the birth of his first child. Make up a back story that makes sense and put a positive spin on whatever is triggering your emotional response.
Scholarly Dr. Judith P. Siegel suggests asking yourself the following questions to assess whether you have a problem with overreacting.
=Do you often:
-Regret things you say in the heat of emotion?
-Lash out at loved ones?
-Have to apologize to others for your actions or words?
-Feel surprised at your seemingly uncontrollable reactions?
-Assume the worst about people and situations?
-Withdraw when things get emotionally overwhelming?
If you answered “yes” to the questions above you may struggle with overreaction.
EFFECTS OF OVER REACTION IN RELATIONSHIPS AND WAY OUT
Does your wife/girlfriend scream, yell or swear at you? Do you feel your wife/girlfriend is going emotional, controlling, officious, domineering or volatile? And your relationship is making you feel like you’re slowly going crazy? Do you feel like you’re persistently criticized because you’re not able to meet her desires and, feel powerless and overwhelmed because she puts you in no- win situations? And that you become hyper- vigilant sometimes to any change in her mood or potential outburst, which leaves you in fear because you can’t predict her responses? You’re left feeling dazed and confused; not knowing which end is up. If so, you’re probably involved with an emotionally obnoxious woman. This is highly stressful because it also requires you to be hyper-vigilant and in a constant state of defense for incoming attacks, some women are emotionally unstable and fly off the deep end all the time.
Dr. Phil states, if handled with moderation and a keen eye toward a better future, arguments can be healthy, so you’d best to learn how to get through them with minimal troubles.
What we can simply do is to pretend that we understand as to be just and to spare ourselves from dead end arguments or full thriving screaming matches. Or you can possibly have a time limit, allows your partner to retreat from an outburst and then resume the argument with dignity.
There are more tips to deal with your emotional wife/girlfriend when she is upset, has mood swings, makes drama and acts irrationally. There can be three situations for her emotional, ridiculous, bizarre and illogical behavior.
=Situation 1; when it is someone else’s fault:
- Whenever your wife/girlfriend is displeased, offended and losing control over her nerves then all she wants from you is unconditional acceptance, love, respect, security and protection, she wants someone to be there for her. So, sit near to her, make her feel that you’re present there just to keep her company, to calm her and to serene her soul so that she can communicate honestly, be herself, and feel emotionally safe.
-After assuring your presence for her the next step is to listen to her. Don’t just listen and vacantly stare at her but also say the words, “So then what happened?” or “And how did you feel when she said that?” and then repeat back what you think you heard. This is what we call “reflective listening.” But don’t interrupt her. Don’t cross your arms or act fidgety or act like you can’t wait to get away.
You may have to practice it because mostly men are not used to actively listen without simultaneously figuring out a solution to a woman’s problem while she’s still talking about it. When it seems like she is finished talking, tell her what you think she has just said to you using your own words which may seem superfluous but it will assure her that you really did listen to her and absorbed what she said.
It is obvious that you cannot agree with someone completely. In fact, you can disagree all you want. But at that time don’t voice your disagreement. Men don’t understand that blowing a woman off when she’s upset makes the whole thing last longer and she’ll resent them for it and resentment builds up over time, which gradually diminishes the relationship.
- Third step is to make her realize that you are unhappy and appalling to hear about all that. You can say “Do you know how it makes me feel to know you’re so unhappy? It makes me feel awful!” This is a classic turn-the-tables phrase that can succeed in stalling a woman’s escalating emotional state, might result in her apologizing to you and win you a “back scratch”. Following these steps you can deal with such sort of situation.
=Situations 2, when it is your fault:
- When your wife/girlfriend is upset or is crying or arguing with you perhaps you might have not attended her, let her down, had crushed her soul or disappointed her then put on your most empathetic face whilst stroking her hair, and ask with as much concern in your voice as you possibly rustle up, “Oh my dear, why you are so upset?” And when she will reply you, you then need to respond with something along the lines of: ‘Ooh, wow, I didn’t even realize I was doing that (or not doing that). You know I would never do anything to intentionally upset you. don’t you know? I’m sorry, and I will try to make more effort to do (or not to do), such and such in future.’ If you take this approach, your crying girlfriend problem should be resolved in no time.
- Make an apology, express regret and act contrite and it’s best to tell her what she wants to hear, and yes you do have to actually mean at least some of it. Don’t forget to listen to her. Always remember that you have to listen in all situations either it’s yours fault, someone else’s or her own!
- Try to create feeling of trust with a woman. A woman will feel emotionally safe with a man who is emotionally available, straightforward, trustworthy and authentic. These are emotional character strengths she can respect and admire in a man. A man of character and emotional depth is a man who knows who he is and likes himself. His strength is not physical so much as it is in the clarity of his mind and emotions. These are character strengths that a woman not only have a high regard for, but feels safe with.
=Situations 3, when it is her own fault:
When your wife/girl friend had mood swings or don’t want to talk to you and you know that you are not the reason for that, there’s really only one way to deal with this one, simply let her know that you are ready to listen when she’s ready to talk.
- If she is throwing temper tantrum, going crazy, yelling and freaking out and you are unaware of the reason then the wisest thing to do is to wait till she’s calmed down and ignore the out of control behavior in the mean time. If your woman is a particularly feisty one, you can leave the house for an hour or so, and then she can reflect on her behavior and with a bit of luck, when you return she will come running into your arms pleading for forgiveness.
- If you feel the urge to do something about this situation immediately, the best thing you can do instantly is to approach her with wide arms and whip out the hair stroking weapon. Then you can try to resolve the problem using the techniques described above.
- The most important thing to mention here is never call your wife/girlfriend “A Psycho”. There are times when a woman will accept being called a nag and even accept that she’s being a bitch, but no woman ever wants to be called a psycho.
- Moreover, a woman feels protected if she believes the relationship is going somewhere. Obviously, she will behave rationally when she knows that her relationship is strong and will work out. Contrary to this, when it seems to her that there is no benefit of investing her time with someone and there might be a break up after getting emotionally invested in a man then she cannot control her nerves and will definitely go crazy because there will be a fear of losing someone special.
It is correctly said:
- When a man is distant emotionally or physically from her it may bring up feelings of loneliness, or fear of a break up. Seeking this type of emotional safety can lead to emotional drama. So, to avoid her irrational acts, psychodrama and her unbearable mood swings you have to take the above mentioned steps along, shower on her your care, affection, warmth, friendliness, tenderness and kindness.
Life is too short so instead of disagreeing and arguing enjoy your life and give your partner plenty of love and happiness! Thanks.
This piece is open to your constructive comments, criticisms, contributions etc via 08064168207, 07059295047, emmanuelocheh@gmail.com www.newageinitiative.blogspot.com
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