THE IRONY OF LOVE BY OCHEH, E. EMMANUEL
Often times people tend to wonder why they are so unfortunate when it comes to issue of love, indeed love in this contemporary society due to influx of many ideas has become multi-faced and multi-farious.
The fortunate or unfortunate aspect of the issue is that love is a two way traffic which has two ends (persons), the issue of reciprocation has become the pointer to a successful or unsuccessful love life both at inception and mature stage
The obscurity and absurdity of the reality of this often times manufactured, imagined emotional relationships has presented so many situations as follows:
Love presents you with choice(s) while your choice(s) don’t present you as an option
You know whom you love but you don’t know who loves you
The irony of love turns you into a very confused human being when your emotionality and rationality becomes two good opponents
Love often times shows what is good but don’t show which lasts
Love has an expectation period which not met brings a breach to a friendly relationship
The wave of love begins to meander when it transcends from the heart to the brain (baseless love)
Many ideas exist as to the definition of love because of diverse experiences (both negative and positive). These experiences sees love as:
An unconditional expression of emotions between two people
An abstract or non-existing phenomena
Strong affection for somebody
One way traffic, no reciprocation
Discomforting yourself to comfort somebody
Imaginary idea which transcends to reality with positive impacts
Being blind
Genuine love is inexpressible
As crown of life.
Contextually(personally), love is an emotional, mental, physical biological strong drive you have or develop towards somebody. Personal research has made me see love as an organ in the body which often times if not attended to when needed shut down or reduces the whole activity of the body in all dimensions.
The answers to these following questions or situations portrays more the irony of love:
What happens after all resources and ideas has been put into action just to show love and the response from the other ends becomes “I taught you were just being a good friend”
Love becomes hurting and unplanned sacrifice when after all has been done and your response is just a wave of hand
The irony of love often times is evidenced inform of uncertainty towards what you actually want or need(indecision)
The choices love presents under the auspices of “all of them is good” but the right one is the great puzzle has made some to have a knowledge of what they don’t want or wouldn’t expect in a prospective partner but can`t say for sure this is the exact person needed.
The debated issue remains, who should be held responsible for the resultant effect of the ‘irony of love’, the lady or the guy?
The question however has led to contextual explanation of reasons accounting for who should be held responsible.
The woman
Women were created as a distinctive and emotional being with all composition having high magnetic and seductive qualities, though often weak or loosed emotionally are always adjudged with the major cause of the phenomena ‘the irony of love’ on the following basis:
At inception love pushes a lady towards a guy who is available or not available depending on the level of her perceived feelings.
Ladies expresses high level of emotionality with little or no effect of rationality and given a time begins to have a second thought to what was sparked up before and suddenly backs off from a relationship, leaving the other person heart broken.
Ladies often times posses what is termed as ‘expectation period’ which suggests the moment the lady does not get any response from the proposed partner for a long time, this developed affection and emotions begins to die down or targeted towards another.
The woman though weak is a complex being when it comes to understanding.
The man
Man was created as a goal oriented being who often times are not into feelings as a woman but works towards achieving a perceived goal per time. The guy equally can be seen as a major cause too on the following basis:
Guys often times posses high level of uncertainty resulting to indecision in emotional affairs
Guys posses high level of rationality, like wise in emotional affair, men unlike ladies thinks of the future of a relationship even before going into it, but often times even when is obvious, because of the satisfaction which can be derived at the present resort into life of deception and pretence.
Generally it can be said that the major factor accounting for the irony of love or unsuccessful relationships as the situation might be is not one sided.
The mystery of the love of few often times goes beyond general judgments and expectations. A guy/lady might not see a lady/guy who from general judgments of people (to be good and pleasing) might not see same to be acceptable, under the notion of ‘’he/she is good but my spirit is not accepting her’’. The issue of genuine love has gone beyond just the mental and emotional acceptance, some people believes at least the moment you see a lady/guy who people thinks is best for you, there should be this ‘felt excitement’ you experience within you that makes you feel ‘yes this is the person’.
Personally I have classified the inception of a feeling of affection or love for somebody under three(3) categories of which virtually 99.9% of love affairs or relationship emanated from one or two of these three categories
“Fall in love” some people develops affection for somebody just instantly, immediately, suddenly they get to meet those people and this is occasioned by some acceptable qualities they see (often times exceptional), maybe by the way the person talks, dressed, walks, reasons, appearance, selection of colours, beauty etc. These people sometimes have little or no control of this feeling and that accounts for why a guy/lady sees lady/guy at an ATM queue, parks, stations, class etc and that instance falls in love with that person. Love at first sight falls under this category. Generally definition to this category can be seen as an immediate or sudden attraction developed for somebody. Most often under this category your emotionality suppresses your rationality and that accounts for why 60% of people under this category of love life don’t experience a lasting relationship or love affair.
“Grow on to love” some people gradually develops affections or feelings for somebody ,this is different from the first category as these feelings of affection or attraction is not sudden or immediate, the lady/guy most times grows on to love a guy/lady because of the person`s constant presence or better termed “sticking arround” which accounts for why a lady can marry a man she doesn’t really love and in couple of weeks or months she grow on to love the man and sees the man as her perfect lover. In this category emotionality and rationality reaches equilibrium.
“Discovered love” while 50-70% of people falls under the two above stated categories, the rest just discover they have feelings of affection or attraction as they relate, go out, play etc. This can be seen as an unconscious development of affection for somebody after a relatively long period of interactions. The feeling developed in the category of “grow on to love” is consciously done but in this category the feeling is just discovered in process of interaction and that is why a boss can wake up one morning and discover he/she is developing feelings for his/her subordinate after 1-3years of working relationship and equally a boy and girl who grew up together to adulthood in the same environment can discover love , this is not out of place , when one has a perceived good opinion towards somebody and the both are friends, always together, it just takes a little time for these people to come discover that they already developing feeling for one another.
Conclusively no matter where the heart goes, at the end it stays with who its meant to stay with irrespective of complexities encountered either at inception or process of love life.
For constructive criticism, comments etc. Contact:
emmanuelocheh@gmail.com,
+2348064168207,
www.newageinitiative.blogspot.com
