HOW TO COPE OR RELATE WITH ONE ANOTHER AND THE ISSUE OF RELATIONSHIP IN TERTIARY INSTITUTIONS  (Compiled by Bro. Ocheh E. Emmanuel. For Freshers 2013/2014 Session (FCS KSU))

INTRODUCTION- Often times most people tend to wonder why life is not really in their favour, most especially in relating with people, they classify some as being bedeviled, temperamental, fraudsters, untrustworthy, hard to come by, difficult, egocentric etc.

This work is aimed at helping us to relate with one another in peace and to accept each other`s weaknesses and also not to make the wrong decision and conclusion in life. Whoever you come across in life as a writer says “is in one way or the other better than you” once you realize this, learning and adaptation will be inevitable, hence the need for us to know or be reminded on how we can actually relate with people for a better and happier society.

Teenage or Adolescence refers to period between childhood and adulthood, often times it is believed to be between age 13-19 years, most at times it also revolves round the mind, the teenage is characterized by maturity and development, emotionally they are fragile, vulnerable to practically everything: failure, criticism, embarrassment, at times feel hopeless and helpless, psychologically they become aware of themselves, want to control their own affairs, want to feel important or be known, this is when they long for friendship of a special person, yet they fear of being different from everyone else, intellectually, they learn to reason for themselves, their mind developing rapidly.

HOW TO COPE OR RELATE WITH ONE ANOTHER

1. Accept and respect one another, irrespective of their weaknesses, colour, sex, the way they look. One way you can make somebody like you is make that person feel he/she is somebody.

2. Show love to one another through your patience, kindness, trust, the Bible says love covereth all sins, often times they are vulnerable to make mistakes and atimes be misunderstood. Your love gives them security to make mistakes and try again in achieving their goals.

3. Always maintain a happy/cheerful look (smile always). A smile is like an antidote, when taken, it has a way of healing a wound, amending offences and bringing hope alive. You may not know the impact your smile will have in life until you start smiling to people. So many people have missed it in life because they don’t know how to smile, your smile can be a solution to someone’s problem and your smile can also make somebody smile or his/her smile to smile. Take note, ‘no one can ever make you unhappy unless you allow yourself to be unhappy.

4. Be a good listener, give people opportunity to express themselves, their fears, problems etc. Often times people just need someone who can give them listening ears and when you settle down to listen to people, you will be able to tackle great issues in their lives, don’t allow your answer or your word to stir up anger, always see yourself everyday as a destiny changer or catalyst for success and it is also imperative to understand people’s temperament.

5. Encourage creativity and development, make one another know they can be better than they are with just little effort, inspire them to develop through reading books, planning their lives.

Relationship

The basic objective of this item is to make us know that relationship should not be one of the priorities in school for now as a fresher because this is the stage most guys/brothers comes around.

Relationship is a loving or mutual or sexual association between two people i.e. a boy and a girl. Another good name for relationship for those in pre-degree, diploma, 100-200 level is distraction or lust. You can’t afford to think about or say yes to a relationship at this tender stage and often times the basis for relationship is abused and it is commonly said that when “purpose is not known abuse is inevitable” so many people are regretting in it now because of wrong basis or purpose, it’s unfortunate that 70% of ladies suffers heart breaks in relationship. Sisters, you are beautifully and wonderfully made, imagine a pot of soup well prepared without salt, it is good and inviting but tasteless, the salt brings out the flavor, imagine the world without a woman, A world without beauty, flavor, colour and shape, the presence of a woman brings out the best in the world and also in man. You are the beauty of your world, the savor of your generation.  Without you, the world would have lost a mother. A saying goes, “save a man, you save him alone but save a woman and you save a generation”. Dr. Myles Munroe said, “if you give a woman sperm, she will give you a baby, give her a house, she will give u a home, give her ingredients and she will give you a meal, give her a smile, she will give you her heart”.

I am saying this to make you know that God created you uniquely with worth, dignity, purpose and skill, don’t allow a guy or brother to destroy your destiny, there is no true relationship at teenage or this tender stage in school. Most people often say that 90% of KSU relationship ends at the gate, don’t fall victim of one, Watch out!!! How do you this? watch the type of friends you keep, choose your friends, don’t be carried away by “everybody is doing it syndrome”. You are unique, stay different, later they will celebrate you if you take your stand. Also brothers and sisters as Bro Nicholas will say  “work on your character and your charisma will take care of itself”.

Finally, brothers and sisters the issue of relationship is not something you meddle with, it is a crucial issue that you can’t afford to joke with at this tender stage.

Take note.

Wrong reasons why people enter into relationship(s)

Ø      I have arrived (I am of age)

Ø      Everybody is doing it

Ø      I can’t wait

Ø      I need to be loved

Ø      Lust

Questions you should ask a guy asking you for a relationship now

Ø      Why me?

Ø      What do you see in me that get you attracted to me or makes you think I am the one?

Ø      What happens in the future if that which you see is no longer there?

Ø      Do you think you can cope with my excesses if there is one?

General questions you should ask yourself as a Brother or Sister

Ø          Am I really ready to enter into a relationship? (What is driving/pushing me?)

Ø          If yes, why do you think you are ready?

Ø          How far can I really go in moulding and developing that person for a better future?

For more understanding, read the following books:

·                                               THE BASIC TEMPERAMENTS BY TIM LAHAYE

·                                               WHY YOU ACT THE WAY YOU DO BY TIM LAHAYE

·                                               151 QUESTIONS TO ASK IN RELATIONSHIP BY BIMBO ODUKOYA

·                                               PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE BY RICK WARREN

·                                               THE LORD’S JEWEL. (PUBLICATION OF DAUGHTETRS OF ZION)

FOR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISMS, COMMENTS, QUESTIONS AND PATNERSHIP REACH ME THROUGH THE FOLLOWING: email- emmanuelocheh@gmail.com, ochehemmanuel@yahoo.com. 08064168207  (no flashing please)