THE "JANUS" FACE OF LIFE by Ocheh Emmanuel

Life in entirety to some people has remained a puzzle that needs to be cracked, a challenge to be met, a conquest to be won, a seemingly battle field to be fought, a gift to be accepted, an opportunity to be tapped, a journey to be completed.
The most interesting thing about life is that life in general can be portrayed as a “Janus”, contextually can be viewed as having a dual (two) face which in most times its very hard for an individual to escape passing through one of the face or the both faces, while some people have gotten themselves usurped in the absurdities of one face, others have ensured a sit tight in another face.
Now, in thought and action one can separate life into these two faces which are: the discouraging (dark), or unpleasant and the encouraging, pleasant or good faces; and certainly there are two classes of people on these two faces of life, there is a class trailing on the unpleasant side of life with the expectation that it will be well someday. Others in the same class see life as an unfortunate phenomena characterized with horrific events, and in most cases gives up on themselves, gives up on the possibility of a bright future, possibility to attain a good and comfortable life, while on the other hand we have the class of people on the good side of life, who see and enjoy the bright side of life
It is good to note that the people who have contributed more to societal growth and development are the very people who appreciated the both faces of life.
Taking a close look at life most especially the unpleasant face of life, one would tend to wonder if “passing through the unpleasant or difficult part of life is actually a blessing or a curse”? In an attempt to proffer solution to this great mystic and at the same time a problem, an empirical analysis of the phenomenon will do, through a look at the antecedence and aftermath.
Life in the dark side is always characterized with one or more of these: difficulties, anxiety, sorrow, weeping, depression, challenges, frustration, disappointment , misfortunate, uncertainty, insecurity, fear of the unknown, hardships, lack etc. all these are sometimes occasioned by natural disasters, inevitable phenomenon, unseen forces or powers, laziness, ignorance, neglects, complacency, lack of prudence, lack of planning or goals, shallow mind etc.
Life indeed is a journey, there are times one face might be rough (i.e unpleasant) and equally at other times the other face might be smooth.
The attainment of a favourable outcome in each face boils down to how one was or is able to harness, explore and use a particular face as it is a determined and certain phenomenon in the life of any individual.
It is often said that there is no glory without a story, no testimony without a test, the scholars often say that those who are rich were at one point of their life poor or tasted poverty, lack and difficulty. Great men who are on the good face of life have also passed through the unpleasant side of life.
Winston Churchill opines that “ without a measureless and perpetual uncertainty the drama of life will be destroyed” also Plato supports with the saying “ that life must be lived as play”  and Socrates purports “ that an unexamined life is not worth living”.
The aforementioned suggests that life can be viewed as a “ Janus” having two faces. Often at times one face prepares an individual for another face. A popular preacher once said if you have not tasted poverty you might not really know how to manage wealth, if you have not been hated before you might not know how to appreciate love or give love, if you have never been in lack you might not know how to manage abundance.
In our contemporary society, most people find it difficult to successfully transcend the unpleasant face of life because they gives too much credence to the past and the present with little or no optimism for the future. Rick Warren in his work “ Purpose driven life” opines that ‘though we are product of our past we should not be prisoners to our past’ we have got to let go of the past so we won`t hamper the joy of the future and the good side of life.
Challenges often comes to make us stronger and prepare us for the other face of life, so that we might enjoy the other face of life, giving up in the unpleasant face of life is the giving up God`s purpose for life thereby missing the joy, the happiness, the testimony, the glory, the fulfillment, accomplishment, reality, upliftment that lies on the other face etc.
A man starting small in life does not mean he will end up small, you struggled with attaining success in academic, business, relationship, family life, parenting, career pursuit does not mean you will end a failure; you lost your source of livelihood, your parent or parents, your guardian, mentor, benefactor and you are struggling in life, it does not mean you will end up in hardship; you suffering as a single parent to bring up your children does not mean it`s the end of the tunnel; you struggling for years looking for job does not mean you will end up unemployed; you are struggling to get a desired grade, success, to be a better student does not mean you will not make it in the society; that you faced neglect, dejection, rejection does not mean you will end up in the gutter.
Life, they say are in stages and phases. A dullard and drop out yesterday is a multi-billionaire today, a man rejected yesterday is celebrated today, the unemployed yesterday is the biggest employer of labour today, a pitiful tenant yesterday is a big landlord today , a man who lacked finance to finish or get the best in educational pursuit yesterday is the owner of an academic institution today, the man who lacked sandals to go to school yesterday, buys countless shoes in tenths of thousands today, a woman who couldn’t treat her parent of cancer yesterday has  various NGOs that gives free cancer treatment to people today, the man who drove a motor cycle with a community alerting sound yesterday is counting his cars (rides) today, the woman who had no child of her own drawing attention yesterday is counting her children today, the minister who started with a congregation of 10-15 members in a thatch roof  yesterday, ministers to hundreds of people in a cathedral today and so many in exhaustive list. Life is in cycle.
Conclusively is good to learn how to appreciate each face of life and be thankful to God. Let me end this piece with the ideas of some great men.
The expectations of life depends upon diligence; the whole secret of a successful life is to find out what is one`s destiny to do and then do it; the happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts; dwell on the beauty of life, watch the stars and see yourself running with them; who is not courageous enough to take risk will accomplish nothing in life; I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter; as a well spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death; the best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Thanks for making out time to read this piece as it is helpful to both you and that person beside you already contemplating giving up. Join me as we change the society for the better and make it worth living. Special acknowledgement to Ocheh Joy and Ocheh Michael for editing this piece. Thank you all.
Contacts: emmanuelocheh@gmail.com, 08064168207, 07059295047, www.newageintiative.blogspot.com, http://community.elders.org/ocheh-emmanuel.

IRONY OF LOVE

THE IRONY OF LOVE BY OCHEH, E. EMMANUEL
Often times people tend to wonder why they are so unfortunate when it comes to issue of love, indeed love in this contemporary society due to influx of many ideas has become multi-faced and multi-farious.
The fortunate or unfortunate aspect of the issue is that love is a two way traffic which has two ends (persons), the issue of reciprocation has become the pointer to a successful or unsuccessful love life both at inception and mature stage
The obscurity and absurdity of the reality of this often times manufactured, imagined emotional relationships has presented so many situations as follows:
Love presents you with choice(s) while your choice(s) don’t present you as an option
You know whom you love but you don’t know who loves you
The irony of love turns you into a very confused human being when your emotionality and rationality becomes two good opponents
Love often times shows what is good but don’t show which lasts
Love has an expectation period which not met brings a breach to a friendly relationship
The wave of love begins to meander when it transcends from the heart to the brain (baseless love)
Many ideas exist as to the definition of love because of diverse experiences (both negative and positive). These experiences sees love as:
An unconditional expression of emotions between two people
An abstract or non-existing phenomena
Strong affection for somebody
One way traffic, no reciprocation
Discomforting yourself  to comfort somebody
Imaginary idea which transcends to reality with positive impacts
Being blind
Genuine love is inexpressible
As crown of life.
Contextually(personally), love is an emotional, mental, physical biological strong drive you have or develop towards somebody. Personal research has made me see love as an organ in the body which often times if not attended to when needed shut down or reduces the whole activity of the body in all dimensions.
The answers to these following questions or situations portrays more the irony of love:
What happens after all resources and ideas has been put into action just to show love and the response from the other ends becomes “I taught you were just being a good friend”
Love becomes hurting and unplanned sacrifice when after all has been done and your response is just a wave of hand
The irony of love often times is evidenced inform of uncertainty towards what you actually want or need(indecision)
The choices love presents under the auspices of “all of them is good”  but the right one is the great puzzle has made some to have a knowledge of what they  don’t want or wouldn’t expect in a prospective partner but can`t say for sure this is the exact person needed.

The debated issue remains, who should be held responsible for the resultant effect of the ‘irony of love’, the lady or the guy?
The question however has led to contextual explanation of reasons accounting for who should be held responsible.
The woman
Women were created as a distinctive and emotional being with all composition having high magnetic and seductive qualities, though often weak or loosed emotionally are always adjudged with the major cause of the phenomena ‘the irony of love’ on the following basis:
At inception love pushes a lady towards a guy who is available or not available depending on the level of her perceived feelings.
Ladies expresses high level of emotionality with little or no effect of rationality and given a time begins to have a second thought to what was sparked up before and suddenly backs off from a relationship, leaving the other person heart broken.
Ladies often times posses what is termed as ‘expectation period’ which suggests the moment the lady does not get any response from the proposed partner for a long time, this developed affection and emotions begins to die down or targeted towards another.
The woman though weak is a complex  being when it comes to understanding.

The man
Man was created as a goal oriented being who often times are not into feelings as a woman but works towards achieving a perceived goal per time. The guy equally can be seen as a major cause too on the following basis:
Guys often times posses high level of uncertainty resulting to indecision in emotional affairs
Guys posses high level of rationality, like wise in emotional affair, men unlike ladies thinks of the future of a relationship even before going into it, but often times even when is obvious, because of the satisfaction which can be derived at the present resort into life of deception and pretence.
Generally it can be said that the major factor accounting for the irony of love or unsuccessful relationships as the situation might be is not one sided.
The mystery of the love of few often times goes beyond general judgments and expectations. A guy/lady  might not see a lady/guy who from general judgments of people (to be good and pleasing) might not see same to be acceptable, under the notion of ‘’he/she is good but my spirit is not accepting her’’. The issue of genuine love has gone beyond just the mental and emotional acceptance, some people believes at least the moment you  see a lady/guy who people thinks is best for you, there should be this ‘felt excitement’ you experience within you that makes you feel ‘yes this is the person’.
Personally I have classified the inception of a feeling of affection or love for somebody under three(3) categories of which virtually 99.9% of love affairs or relationship emanated from one or two of these three categories
“Fall in love”  some people develops affection for somebody just instantly, immediately, suddenly they get to meet those people and this is occasioned by some acceptable qualities they see (often times exceptional), maybe by the way the person talks, dressed, walks, reasons, appearance, selection of colours, beauty etc. These people sometimes have little or no control of this feeling and that accounts for why a guy/lady sees lady/guy at an ATM queue, parks, stations, class etc and that instance falls in love with that person. Love at first sight falls under this category. Generally definition to this category can be seen as an immediate or sudden attraction developed for somebody. Most often under this category your emotionality suppresses your rationality and that accounts for why 60% of people under this category of love life don’t experience a lasting relationship or love affair.

“Grow on to love” some people gradually develops affections or feelings for somebody ,this is different from the first category as these feelings of affection or attraction is not sudden or immediate, the lady/guy most times grows on to love a guy/lady because of the person`s constant presence or better termed “sticking arround”  which accounts for why a lady can marry a man she doesn’t really love and in couple of weeks or months she grow on to love the man and sees the man as her perfect lover. In this category emotionality and rationality reaches equilibrium.

“Discovered love”   while 50-70% of people falls under the two above stated categories, the rest just discover they have feelings of affection or attraction as they relate, go out, play etc. This can be seen as an unconscious development of affection for somebody after a relatively long period of interactions. The feeling developed in the category of “grow on to love”  is consciously done but in this category the feeling is just discovered in process of interaction and that is why a boss can wake up one morning and discover he/she is developing feelings for his/her subordinate after 1-3years of working relationship and equally a boy and girl who grew up together to adulthood in the same environment can discover love , this is not out of place , when one has a perceived good opinion towards somebody and the both are friends, always together, it just takes a little time for these people to come discover that they already developing feeling for one another.

Conclusively no matter where the heart goes, at the end it stays with who its meant to stay with irrespective of complexities encountered either at inception or process of love life.

For constructive criticism, comments etc. Contact: 
emmanuelocheh@gmail.com,
+2348064168207,
www.newageinitiative.blogspot.com  
 

… HOSTEL ROOM OF MY DREAM…… (hostel life) by Ocheh, E. Emmanuel

Hostel life has indeed been characterized and exemplified as a coin which has two faces, Hostel life presents people with varieties of choices, ideas. Idiosyncrasies, world on its own, on one hand people adapt to this life positively and on the other hand some adapt negatively.  Hostel as life in its self has revealed the real nature of people ranging from the way they think, reason, apply wisdom and adapt to changes to their background, while a host of people sees the hostel as a building ground, a place to be, a place of fun, a school on its own, an unseen life that act as a father or mother, a terrific milieu, others sees it as one of the worst things that have happened to them, sees it as a climax for the devil unknown which had followed to school, sees it as a terrifying, discouraging, the meander of youth formation, sees it as a place characterized by catalyst for instigating youthful misdemeanor for those who comes under its protracted influence. Hmmm it is said that every environment has it peculiarities and is not different in the case of Kogi State University Hostel life (male hostel).

Join me as we peruse the ordeal of Mr. N and his roommates (phase I and II).

Phase I 

Mr. N, Mr. F, Mr. V, Mr. S, Mr. I, Mr. O all find themselves in the same room of which Mr. E joined later, the room was characterized by communal living as everybody were like  minded in certainly everything. One day Mr. F adopted the slogan “whatever comes to the room belongs to all” for the room, the room however was characterized with fun, but the roommate had their reservations, their distinct personalities, and Mr. N seen as the most senior, exercised jurisdiction of correcting, and advising the roommates. NOW THE ORDEAL  Day in and day out everyone complains the plates is always dirty, room unkept, and Mr. N will keep asking a question that Google can’t even answer which is “ we are complaining that plates are dirty and room unkept, who is now the person messing up the room and dirtying the plates?. Mr. V being a law student who believes in principles and law or orderliness bangs on  Mr. N one day when Mr. N change the position of empty cup he placed on his box, didn’t end there, bangs on Mr. E (who believes in societal tolerance, coherence and accommodation) who one day told him to get use to the room, he shouldn’t expect to always see things when it is, due to the presence of other people, Mr. E who thought he has given a good advice never knew he made one of the wrong statement that day when suddenly Mr. V jacked up from the floor angrily pointing to Mr. E in the face and said “you just insulted my three years as a law student and my personality” hmmm it was not a funny episode as all the roommate were trying to correlate a missing stockings with the fact of being a law student. An interesting aspect of the room was the issue of fetching water and cooking of food, this was indeed a serious aspect as only one of the room mates Mr. O who always ensures water is in the room with some encouraging few who joins him and that was actually what Mr. N finds difficult doing and Mr. O being a free person accepted all in good fate was tagged “the water fetcher and the one without complains”. Everybody’s identity was displayed in cooking, food are prepared and eaten by those in the room as at when the food drops from fire, and the ones who went for lectures and comes back late are left at mercy of student power (i.e. garri) and always complained bitterly and because all that comes into the room is for all, if they get alternative (e.g. bread, akara) brings it to the room ………(you know the rest) and that make some roommates to eat out, or buy stay out the hostel eat and come and disturb. Another issue was “Family And Friends (FAF)” when food are being prepared, that is exactly the right time FAF comes visiting and at the end food don’t go round, Mr. I was fed up with this because he doesn’t play with his stomach and left for off k,. The roommates comes together to re-strategize under the frontier of Mr. S and all decided everybody should take his plate and name it, when food is prepared, it will be distributed in the plate according to the name on it (i.e. members of the room) and any FAF who comes visiting will eat with the person in particular who is being visited from his own food. The method worked smoothly but the roommate were forced to eat food anyhow it is being prepared, and this generated another slogan “is the food sweet?” and the answer “it is not bitter”. This continued till the end of their stay, and all the roommate swore not to retain or remain in the room except for Mr. N who retained the room for the next phase (I.e. next session) but he had to flee from the room before the next phase ended because the room became so hot for him. Now what happens? Watch out!!!.

Phase II.

Mr. N and a new person Mr. D in the room now, staying was bearable as they were only two but with little problems as the both were two different people both in reasoning and actions. The problem came to a climax when Mr. N decided to help a friend in need and allowed him into the room to stay with them (i.e. Mr. A).. Mr. A stayed with them, all of a sudden Mr. A`s brother came to join, under the canopy of  `he will soon go, it’s just for a while`  which he introduced a new living entirely

NOW THE ORDEAL OF MR. N AGAIN. Mr. N finds it difficult to cope with Mr. D who is an extremist in all he does, Mr. D dislike cooking, and when he cooks, he cooks Mr. N food stuffs, of which his own is nowhere to be seen and often times cooks indomie well garnished with egg and don’t share with anybody, his beverages are strategically kept and a placed order of “no go area”. Mr. N is faced with the issue of my food stuffs is always used when it comes to cooking, yet the food is not kept for me and yet they complain I am eating their food. Mr. D`s intolerant attitude was not only limited to Mr. N but also to Mr. A and his brother which was always characterized with quarrels, fights,  misunderstanding in all areas, involving  external arbitration, it was indeed a hell for Mr. N .  To crown it up, on a very good morning of a promising day, after  Mr. N finished having his morning devotion  to start the day, opening his eyes, to his greatest amazement he saw Mr. S (Mr. A`s brother) his beneficiary, standing right in front of the bed with a question which rumbled out of his mouth suddenly “Mr. N did you carry a piece of fish from my pot of soup over the night?” what seemed like a good day for Mr. N suddenly had a bad beginning, Mr. N was as confused as an  agama lizard, looked at himself, looked at Mr. S and imagined the question, trying to control himself he answered “if I didn’t not eat the food, is it now the fish I will now carry?” Mr. S left him. Mr. N went out for the day, came back in the evening, on entering the room he thought he was in the wrong room, what happened? Mr. S divided the room into two(2) , (creating an apartment per say for himself and his brother)  Hmmmn what a joke at first still standing in his amazement, waking up to reality was when Mr. S said  everybody should maintain his own corner. I (Mr. E in the first phase) came into the room and saw the demarcation turning to Mr. N and said jokingly “your tenants are really trying oh “what a face me I face you” apartment in one room”  Mr. N smiled and said I have finally had it to my throat and I am leaving, within three days he went off campus (like Mr. I in the first phase). This is not the hostel room of my dream.

Hmmn what an ordeal but did the story actually end there? (watch out for the next edition when Mr. N finally returns.)

This true life story is not written to malign or ridicule any personality but for enlightenment, I appreciate the life experience contributions of those involved in this work. Thank you (pls this does not mean that this experience is same for all rooms)

 Now I want you to know that generally these people in one way or the other learnt one thing or the other, the non salient people in this story actually maximized everything they saw and experience and that is why I see hostel life (as a):

- Positive life moulder

- Catalyst for a better living in the society.

- Teacher which teaches you how to cope, tolerate individual characters

a.                      Teach you to make wise decisions at all times

b.                     Teach you to be optimistic

c.                     Exposes you to great ingredients for leadership

d.                    Teach how to identify and maximize your potential

e.                     Gives you a sense of focus and aspiration in life

- Opener to a complex and wider society

- Gives you a spirit of humanitarianism and philanthropy.

- Gives you an avenue to see and meet people from different background and  make you know that if you think:

i.                       You are from a bad background, there are more from the worst

ii.                    You are from a poor background, there are more that their own poverty is given credence  

iii.                  You are from a well to do family, there are more from a better one

iv.                  Your own story is bad and horrible there are those with a more terrifying story

v.                    You are good, there are better people than you. e.tc.

It all boils down to how you are able to make good use of the environment and opportunities that present itself where ever you find yourself. I always tell people “you can never matter in a matter if you don’t know the matter in the matter i.e always make yourself relevant where you find yourself” and equally “the only determination to the formation of the life of a man is information, in other words you can never change your life if you cannot change what you know, your choice and decisions.

Thank you, see you in the next edition. Join me as we change the society through information

Ocheh, E. Emmanuel

emmanuelocheh@gmail.com

08064168207

www.newageinitiative.blogspot.com

HOW TO COPE OR RELATE WITH ONE ANOTHER AND THE ISSUE OF RELATIONSHIP IN TERTIARY INSTITUTIONS  (Compiled by Bro. Ocheh E. Emmanuel. For Freshers 2013/2014 Session (FCS KSU))

INTRODUCTION- Often times most people tend to wonder why life is not really in their favour, most especially in relating with people, they classify some as being bedeviled, temperamental, fraudsters, untrustworthy, hard to come by, difficult, egocentric etc.

This work is aimed at helping us to relate with one another in peace and to accept each other`s weaknesses and also not to make the wrong decision and conclusion in life. Whoever you come across in life as a writer says “is in one way or the other better than you” once you realize this, learning and adaptation will be inevitable, hence the need for us to know or be reminded on how we can actually relate with people for a better and happier society.

Teenage or Adolescence refers to period between childhood and adulthood, often times it is believed to be between age 13-19 years, most at times it also revolves round the mind, the teenage is characterized by maturity and development, emotionally they are fragile, vulnerable to practically everything: failure, criticism, embarrassment, at times feel hopeless and helpless, psychologically they become aware of themselves, want to control their own affairs, want to feel important or be known, this is when they long for friendship of a special person, yet they fear of being different from everyone else, intellectually, they learn to reason for themselves, their mind developing rapidly.

HOW TO COPE OR RELATE WITH ONE ANOTHER

1. Accept and respect one another, irrespective of their weaknesses, colour, sex, the way they look. One way you can make somebody like you is make that person feel he/she is somebody.

2. Show love to one another through your patience, kindness, trust, the Bible says love covereth all sins, often times they are vulnerable to make mistakes and atimes be misunderstood. Your love gives them security to make mistakes and try again in achieving their goals.

3. Always maintain a happy/cheerful look (smile always). A smile is like an antidote, when taken, it has a way of healing a wound, amending offences and bringing hope alive. You may not know the impact your smile will have in life until you start smiling to people. So many people have missed it in life because they don’t know how to smile, your smile can be a solution to someone’s problem and your smile can also make somebody smile or his/her smile to smile. Take note, ‘no one can ever make you unhappy unless you allow yourself to be unhappy.

4. Be a good listener, give people opportunity to express themselves, their fears, problems etc. Often times people just need someone who can give them listening ears and when you settle down to listen to people, you will be able to tackle great issues in their lives, don’t allow your answer or your word to stir up anger, always see yourself everyday as a destiny changer or catalyst for success and it is also imperative to understand people’s temperament.

5. Encourage creativity and development, make one another know they can be better than they are with just little effort, inspire them to develop through reading books, planning their lives.

Relationship

The basic objective of this item is to make us know that relationship should not be one of the priorities in school for now as a fresher because this is the stage most guys/brothers comes around.

Relationship is a loving or mutual or sexual association between two people i.e. a boy and a girl. Another good name for relationship for those in pre-degree, diploma, 100-200 level is distraction or lust. You can’t afford to think about or say yes to a relationship at this tender stage and often times the basis for relationship is abused and it is commonly said that when “purpose is not known abuse is inevitable” so many people are regretting in it now because of wrong basis or purpose, it’s unfortunate that 70% of ladies suffers heart breaks in relationship. Sisters, you are beautifully and wonderfully made, imagine a pot of soup well prepared without salt, it is good and inviting but tasteless, the salt brings out the flavor, imagine the world without a woman, A world without beauty, flavor, colour and shape, the presence of a woman brings out the best in the world and also in man. You are the beauty of your world, the savor of your generation.  Without you, the world would have lost a mother. A saying goes, “save a man, you save him alone but save a woman and you save a generation”. Dr. Myles Munroe said, “if you give a woman sperm, she will give you a baby, give her a house, she will give u a home, give her ingredients and she will give you a meal, give her a smile, she will give you her heart”.

I am saying this to make you know that God created you uniquely with worth, dignity, purpose and skill, don’t allow a guy or brother to destroy your destiny, there is no true relationship at teenage or this tender stage in school. Most people often say that 90% of KSU relationship ends at the gate, don’t fall victim of one, Watch out!!! How do you this? watch the type of friends you keep, choose your friends, don’t be carried away by “everybody is doing it syndrome”. You are unique, stay different, later they will celebrate you if you take your stand. Also brothers and sisters as Bro Nicholas will say  “work on your character and your charisma will take care of itself”.

Finally, brothers and sisters the issue of relationship is not something you meddle with, it is a crucial issue that you can’t afford to joke with at this tender stage.

Take note.

Wrong reasons why people enter into relationship(s)

Ø      I have arrived (I am of age)

Ø      Everybody is doing it

Ø      I can’t wait

Ø      I need to be loved

Ø      Lust

Questions you should ask a guy asking you for a relationship now

Ø      Why me?

Ø      What do you see in me that get you attracted to me or makes you think I am the one?

Ø      What happens in the future if that which you see is no longer there?

Ø      Do you think you can cope with my excesses if there is one?

General questions you should ask yourself as a Brother or Sister

Ø          Am I really ready to enter into a relationship? (What is driving/pushing me?)

Ø          If yes, why do you think you are ready?

Ø          How far can I really go in moulding and developing that person for a better future?

For more understanding, read the following books:

·                                               THE BASIC TEMPERAMENTS BY TIM LAHAYE

·                                               WHY YOU ACT THE WAY YOU DO BY TIM LAHAYE

·                                               151 QUESTIONS TO ASK IN RELATIONSHIP BY BIMBO ODUKOYA

·                                               PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE BY RICK WARREN

·                                               THE LORD’S JEWEL. (PUBLICATION OF DAUGHTETRS OF ZION)

FOR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISMS, COMMENTS, QUESTIONS AND PATNERSHIP REACH ME THROUGH THE FOLLOWING: email- emmanuelocheh@gmail.com, ochehemmanuel@yahoo.com. 08064168207  (no flashing please)

Ocheh Emmanuel`s Paradigm on Personality

“EVERY INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITY IS A DIRECT FUNCTION AND PRODUCT OF 70% SOCIAL, CULTURAL AND ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS AND STRUCTURES, 25% MINDSET OR MENTALITY, 5% GENE OR HEREDITY”

I shall expatiate more on this in three stages;

Ø First stage- Definition of subject matter i.e. personality.

Ø Second stage-  An overview of suggested factors.

1. Social factors

2. Cultural factors

3. Environmental factors

4. Mindset and mentality

5. Gene/hereditary

Ø Third stage- Appointment of percentage values/justification of values

v First stage-

Personality- Is the combination of characteristics or qualities that forms the distinct character of an individual, it is the qualities that makes someone interesting or popular. It is also supreme realization of the innate idiosyncrasy of a living being. Personality arises from within the individual and remains firmly consistent throughout life. It can also be seen as the particular combination of emotional, attitudinal and behavioral response to patterns of an individual.

Personality can also be seen as the characteristic pattern of thought, feelings and behaviours that make a person unique. Almost everyday we describe and access the personalities of the people around us whether we realize it or not, these dearly musings on how and why people behave as they do.

v Second Stage

1. Social structures- Is a term used in social sciences to refer to patterned social arrangements which forms the society as a whole and which determines to some varying degree the actions of individuals socialized into that structure. The structure may include; educational system, legal system, family system, religion system, law, economy and class.

2. Cultural factors- Culture entails the totality of people’s ways of living, or embodiment of ideologies, heritage, beliefs, myths, mores, folkways, norms, laws etc. that guides individuals, a society or community. Therefore, the culture an individual grows into affect totally the ideological mentality of that person, because of the satisfying and gratifying nature of that culture, the individual finds it difficult to welcome other external ideologies therefore becoming part of him and which also affects his or her interaction and relationship in the society. For example, some people grew up into cultures that forbids men from cooking or entering the kitchen and it has generally been observed that such men finds it difficult to even help their wives in the kitchen or housework even in her period of pregnancy.

3. Environmental factors- The type of environment an individual is brought up determines more, what and how the life of that individual becomes. It has been psychologically and sociologically proved that an individual who grows up in a harsh environment, becomes a very shy and egocentric person and also an individual who grows up under too much care of the parents without consideration, enjoys whatever he/she wants even when necessity demands or not, will grow up to have great phobia for hard work in his/her lifetime etc.

4. Mindset and mentality- As the saying goes, ‘whatever an individual conceives in the mind, determines his/her direction and also your character which further in turn determines your habit which is the life itself. In other words everybody is a product of his mentality about himself/herself, that is why despite the environment one grows, if the mind is made up in another direction the person tends to grow in that direction. The human mind is a wonderful thing that controls all conscious and sub-conscious activities and mentality, the particular way of thinking of a person or groups, which also can be fixed ideas that somebody has and that is often difficult to change. An overview of the mindset theory developed and refined by G. Witzer (1990). Individuals are more likely to fulfill some goals if they imagined when and where they will implement these behaviours called implementation intention. In implementing these intentions it comprises two broad phases, each phases initiates a distinctive profile of cognitive processes. The first stage is called pre-decisional or deliberative, during this phase individual need to decide which goal or set of goals to pursue. Their main objective is to choose the optimal goal and therefore they consider the benefits and drawbacks of each option openly without bias (Puca, 2001, Taylor and Gollwitzer 1995). The second phase is called post-decisional or implemental, during this phase individuals must initiate and action to realize the goal they selected, and their main objective is to remain committed to the goal. Hence, they often consider the benefits of the chosen goal neglecting contradictory information (Puca, 2001, Taylor and Gollwtzer 1995)

5. Gene/heredity- Hereditary materials, traits that are biologically transferred to a person, and these genes contains 46 chromosomes, out of which 23 chromosomes are from the father and 23 are from the mother. In these are contained the characteristics features of the progenitors and these features which are transferred to the progeny makes the progeny to act likely to the progenitor, for example an individual is likely to inherit temperamental excesses from the progenitors i.e. anger, excitement etc.

v Third Stage- Apportionment and justification of percentage values, general workings of all factors;

The way, manner, reason people behave the way they do are influenced and determined mostly by social, cultural and environmental settings and that is why it forms 70% of influencing factors of individual personality. The genes also affect personality because an individual cannot act outside what is inside of him or her because these things are already inherent part of that individual. The genes occupies 5% of determining factors of individual personality because the genes can be suppressed by the environment and also the environment makes the genes manifested to its fullest medium depending on how favourable the environment is. The mind which is the conscious and sub-conscious home of an individual also affects his/her personality because it is what is determined here an individual follows most often, if the mind does not agree with other factors the individual cannot be influenced by it and that is why it occupies 25% of the influencing factors. This can be exemplified using twins, twins are believed to have inherited the same genes from both parents and now if this twins grew up in the same social, cultural and environmental setting, then generally it is believed that they should possess the same personality and social behaviour, but it is not so because the mind function of a person is not the same with another person, no two individuals think the same way at all times, that is why even identical twins does not possess the same characters because the mindset of each is different. Hence, no individual can possess a well defined personality without the workings of all these factors. Nurture versus Nature according to Maclver, every phenomenon of life is the product of both environment and genes, each is as necessary to the result of other, neither can ever be eliminated and neither can be isolated. No society is a product of environment alone for men inherit physical heritage.

There is an incessant interaction between the two, they are inseparable. One man is a criminal, one is a militarist and another pacifist, both of these have been in operation since time immemorial to produce every particular situation and much of these are always produced by the interaction of gene substance and their environment. All qualities of life are in the genes, all the evocations of qualities depend on the environment. Genes have potentialities and environment offers a chance of bringing them out which follows the principles that the higher the potentiality, the greater the demand made on environment. The more elastic the life, the more it is at the mercy of the environment. That is why environment affect us most in the earlier years of our life.

©2011, May.

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