HOW TO COPE OR RELATE WITH ONE ANOTHER AND THE ISSUE OF RELATIONSHIP IN TERTIARY INSTITUTIONS  (Compiled by Bro. Ocheh E. Emmanuel. For Freshers 2013/2014 Session (FCS KSU))

INTRODUCTION- Often times most people tend to wonder why life is not really in their favour, most especially in relating with people, they classify some as being bedeviled, temperamental, fraudsters, untrustworthy, hard to come by, difficult, egocentric etc.

This work is aimed at helping us to relate with one another in peace and to accept each other`s weaknesses and also not to make the wrong decision and conclusion in life. Whoever you come across in life as a writer says “is in one way or the other better than you” once you realize this, learning and adaptation will be inevitable, hence the need for us to know or be reminded on how we can actually relate with people for a better and happier society.

Teenage or Adolescence refers to period between childhood and adulthood, often times it is believed to be between age 13-19 years, most at times it also revolves round the mind, the teenage is characterized by maturity and development, emotionally they are fragile, vulnerable to practically everything: failure, criticism, embarrassment, at times feel hopeless and helpless, psychologically they become aware of themselves, want to control their own affairs, want to feel important or be known, this is when they long for friendship of a special person, yet they fear of being different from everyone else, intellectually, they learn to reason for themselves, their mind developing rapidly.

HOW TO COPE OR RELATE WITH ONE ANOTHER

1. Accept and respect one another, irrespective of their weaknesses, colour, sex, the way they look. One way you can make somebody like you is make that person feel he/she is somebody.

2. Show love to one another through your patience, kindness, trust, the Bible says love covereth all sins, often times they are vulnerable to make mistakes and atimes be misunderstood. Your love gives them security to make mistakes and try again in achieving their goals.

3. Always maintain a happy/cheerful look (smile always). A smile is like an antidote, when taken, it has a way of healing a wound, amending offences and bringing hope alive. You may not know the impact your smile will have in life until you start smiling to people. So many people have missed it in life because they don’t know how to smile, your smile can be a solution to someone’s problem and your smile can also make somebody smile or his/her smile to smile. Take note, ‘no one can ever make you unhappy unless you allow yourself to be unhappy.

4. Be a good listener, give people opportunity to express themselves, their fears, problems etc. Often times people just need someone who can give them listening ears and when you settle down to listen to people, you will be able to tackle great issues in their lives, don’t allow your answer or your word to stir up anger, always see yourself everyday as a destiny changer or catalyst for success and it is also imperative to understand people’s temperament.

5. Encourage creativity and development, make one another know they can be better than they are with just little effort, inspire them to develop through reading books, planning their lives.

Relationship

The basic objective of this item is to make us know that relationship should not be one of the priorities in school for now as a fresher because this is the stage most guys/brothers comes around.

Relationship is a loving or mutual or sexual association between two people i.e. a boy and a girl. Another good name for relationship for those in pre-degree, diploma, 100-200 level is distraction or lust. You can’t afford to think about or say yes to a relationship at this tender stage and often times the basis for relationship is abused and it is commonly said that when “purpose is not known abuse is inevitable” so many people are regretting in it now because of wrong basis or purpose, it’s unfortunate that 70% of ladies suffers heart breaks in relationship. Sisters, you are beautifully and wonderfully made, imagine a pot of soup well prepared without salt, it is good and inviting but tasteless, the salt brings out the flavor, imagine the world without a woman, A world without beauty, flavor, colour and shape, the presence of a woman brings out the best in the world and also in man. You are the beauty of your world, the savor of your generation.  Without you, the world would have lost a mother. A saying goes, “save a man, you save him alone but save a woman and you save a generation”. Dr. Myles Munroe said, “if you give a woman sperm, she will give you a baby, give her a house, she will give u a home, give her ingredients and she will give you a meal, give her a smile, she will give you her heart”.

I am saying this to make you know that God created you uniquely with worth, dignity, purpose and skill, don’t allow a guy or brother to destroy your destiny, there is no true relationship at teenage or this tender stage in school. Most people often say that 90% of KSU relationship ends at the gate, don’t fall victim of one, Watch out!!! How do you this? watch the type of friends you keep, choose your friends, don’t be carried away by “everybody is doing it syndrome”. You are unique, stay different, later they will celebrate you if you take your stand. Also brothers and sisters as Bro Nicholas will say  “work on your character and your charisma will take care of itself”.

Finally, brothers and sisters the issue of relationship is not something you meddle with, it is a crucial issue that you can’t afford to joke with at this tender stage.

Take note.

Wrong reasons why people enter into relationship(s)

Ø      I have arrived (I am of age)

Ø      Everybody is doing it

Ø      I can’t wait

Ø      I need to be loved

Ø      Lust

Questions you should ask a guy asking you for a relationship now

Ø      Why me?

Ø      What do you see in me that get you attracted to me or makes you think I am the one?

Ø      What happens in the future if that which you see is no longer there?

Ø      Do you think you can cope with my excesses if there is one?

General questions you should ask yourself as a Brother or Sister

Ø          Am I really ready to enter into a relationship? (What is driving/pushing me?)

Ø          If yes, why do you think you are ready?

Ø          How far can I really go in moulding and developing that person for a better future?

For more understanding, read the following books:

·                                               THE BASIC TEMPERAMENTS BY TIM LAHAYE

·                                               WHY YOU ACT THE WAY YOU DO BY TIM LAHAYE

·                                               151 QUESTIONS TO ASK IN RELATIONSHIP BY BIMBO ODUKOYA

·                                               PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE BY RICK WARREN

·                                               THE LORD’S JEWEL. (PUBLICATION OF DAUGHTETRS OF ZION)

FOR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISMS, COMMENTS, QUESTIONS AND PATNERSHIP REACH ME THROUGH THE FOLLOWING: email- emmanuelocheh@gmail.com, ochehemmanuel@yahoo.com. 08064168207  (no flashing please)

Ocheh Emmanuel`s Paradigm on Personality

“EVERY INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITY IS A DIRECT FUNCTION AND PRODUCT OF 70% SOCIAL, CULTURAL AND ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS AND STRUCTURES, 25% MINDSET OR MENTALITY, 5% GENE OR HEREDITY”

I shall expatiate more on this in three stages;

Ø First stage- Definition of subject matter i.e. personality.

Ø Second stage-  An overview of suggested factors.

1. Social factors

2. Cultural factors

3. Environmental factors

4. Mindset and mentality

5. Gene/hereditary

Ø Third stage- Appointment of percentage values/justification of values

v First stage-

Personality- Is the combination of characteristics or qualities that forms the distinct character of an individual, it is the qualities that makes someone interesting or popular. It is also supreme realization of the innate idiosyncrasy of a living being. Personality arises from within the individual and remains firmly consistent throughout life. It can also be seen as the particular combination of emotional, attitudinal and behavioral response to patterns of an individual.

Personality can also be seen as the characteristic pattern of thought, feelings and behaviours that make a person unique. Almost everyday we describe and access the personalities of the people around us whether we realize it or not, these dearly musings on how and why people behave as they do.

v Second Stage

1. Social structures- Is a term used in social sciences to refer to patterned social arrangements which forms the society as a whole and which determines to some varying degree the actions of individuals socialized into that structure. The structure may include; educational system, legal system, family system, religion system, law, economy and class.

2. Cultural factors- Culture entails the totality of people’s ways of living, or embodiment of ideologies, heritage, beliefs, myths, mores, folkways, norms, laws etc. that guides individuals, a society or community. Therefore, the culture an individual grows into affect totally the ideological mentality of that person, because of the satisfying and gratifying nature of that culture, the individual finds it difficult to welcome other external ideologies therefore becoming part of him and which also affects his or her interaction and relationship in the society. For example, some people grew up into cultures that forbids men from cooking or entering the kitchen and it has generally been observed that such men finds it difficult to even help their wives in the kitchen or housework even in her period of pregnancy.

3. Environmental factors- The type of environment an individual is brought up determines more, what and how the life of that individual becomes. It has been psychologically and sociologically proved that an individual who grows up in a harsh environment, becomes a very shy and egocentric person and also an individual who grows up under too much care of the parents without consideration, enjoys whatever he/she wants even when necessity demands or not, will grow up to have great phobia for hard work in his/her lifetime etc.

4. Mindset and mentality- As the saying goes, ‘whatever an individual conceives in the mind, determines his/her direction and also your character which further in turn determines your habit which is the life itself. In other words everybody is a product of his mentality about himself/herself, that is why despite the environment one grows, if the mind is made up in another direction the person tends to grow in that direction. The human mind is a wonderful thing that controls all conscious and sub-conscious activities and mentality, the particular way of thinking of a person or groups, which also can be fixed ideas that somebody has and that is often difficult to change. An overview of the mindset theory developed and refined by G. Witzer (1990). Individuals are more likely to fulfill some goals if they imagined when and where they will implement these behaviours called implementation intention. In implementing these intentions it comprises two broad phases, each phases initiates a distinctive profile of cognitive processes. The first stage is called pre-decisional or deliberative, during this phase individual need to decide which goal or set of goals to pursue. Their main objective is to choose the optimal goal and therefore they consider the benefits and drawbacks of each option openly without bias (Puca, 2001, Taylor and Gollwitzer 1995). The second phase is called post-decisional or implemental, during this phase individuals must initiate and action to realize the goal they selected, and their main objective is to remain committed to the goal. Hence, they often consider the benefits of the chosen goal neglecting contradictory information (Puca, 2001, Taylor and Gollwtzer 1995)

5. Gene/heredity- Hereditary materials, traits that are biologically transferred to a person, and these genes contains 46 chromosomes, out of which 23 chromosomes are from the father and 23 are from the mother. In these are contained the characteristics features of the progenitors and these features which are transferred to the progeny makes the progeny to act likely to the progenitor, for example an individual is likely to inherit temperamental excesses from the progenitors i.e. anger, excitement etc.

v Third Stage- Apportionment and justification of percentage values, general workings of all factors;

The way, manner, reason people behave the way they do are influenced and determined mostly by social, cultural and environmental settings and that is why it forms 70% of influencing factors of individual personality. The genes also affect personality because an individual cannot act outside what is inside of him or her because these things are already inherent part of that individual. The genes occupies 5% of determining factors of individual personality because the genes can be suppressed by the environment and also the environment makes the genes manifested to its fullest medium depending on how favourable the environment is. The mind which is the conscious and sub-conscious home of an individual also affects his/her personality because it is what is determined here an individual follows most often, if the mind does not agree with other factors the individual cannot be influenced by it and that is why it occupies 25% of the influencing factors. This can be exemplified using twins, twins are believed to have inherited the same genes from both parents and now if this twins grew up in the same social, cultural and environmental setting, then generally it is believed that they should possess the same personality and social behaviour, but it is not so because the mind function of a person is not the same with another person, no two individuals think the same way at all times, that is why even identical twins does not possess the same characters because the mindset of each is different. Hence, no individual can possess a well defined personality without the workings of all these factors. Nurture versus Nature according to Maclver, every phenomenon of life is the product of both environment and genes, each is as necessary to the result of other, neither can ever be eliminated and neither can be isolated. No society is a product of environment alone for men inherit physical heritage.

There is an incessant interaction between the two, they are inseparable. One man is a criminal, one is a militarist and another pacifist, both of these have been in operation since time immemorial to produce every particular situation and much of these are always produced by the interaction of gene substance and their environment. All qualities of life are in the genes, all the evocations of qualities depend on the environment. Genes have potentialities and environment offers a chance of bringing them out which follows the principles that the higher the potentiality, the greater the demand made on environment. The more elastic the life, the more it is at the mercy of the environment. That is why environment affect us most in the earlier years of our life.

©2011, May.

©All right reserved. For enquiries, constructive criticism, partnership contact the author @ emmanuelocheh@gmail.com,ochehemmanuel@yahoo.com, +2348064168207

Ocheh Emmanuel`s Paradigm on Personality

“EVERY INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITY IS A DIRECT FUNCTION AND PRODUCT OF 70% SOCIAL, CULTURAL AND ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS AND STRUCTURES, 25% MINDSET OR MENTALITY, 5% GENE OR HEREDITY”

I shall expatiate more on this in three stages;

Ø First stage- Definition of subject matter i.e. personality.

Ø Second stage-  An overview of suggested factors.

1. Social factors

2. Cultural factors

3. Environmental factors

4. Mindset and mentality

5. Gene/hereditary

Ø Third stage- Appointment of percentage values/justification of values

v First stage-

Personality- Is the combination of characteristics or qualities that forms the distinct character of an individual, it is the qualities that makes someone interesting or popular. It is also supreme realization of the innate idiosyncrasy of a living being. Personality arises from within the individual and remains firmly consistent throughout life. It can also be seen as the particular combination of emotional, attitudinal and behavioral response to patterns of an individual.

Personality can also be seen as the characteristic pattern of thought, feelings and behaviours that make a person unique. Almost everyday we describe and access the personalities of the people around us whether we realize it or not, these dearly musings on how and why people behave as they do.

v Second Stage

1. Social structures- Is a term used in social sciences to refer to patterned social arrangements which forms the society as a whole and which determines to some varying degree the actions of individuals socialized into that structure. The structure may include; educational system, legal system, family system, religion system, law, economy and class.

2. Cultural factors- Culture entails the totality of people’s ways of living, or embodiment of ideologies, heritage, beliefs, myths, mores, folkways, norms, laws etc. that guides individuals, a society or community. Therefore, the culture an individual grows into affect totally the ideological mentality of that person, because of the satisfying and gratifying nature of that culture, the individual finds it difficult to welcome other external ideologies therefore becoming part of him and which also affects his or her interaction and relationship in the society. For example, some people grew up into cultures that forbids men from cooking or entering the kitchen and it has generally been observed that such men finds it difficult to even help their wives in the kitchen or housework even in her period of pregnancy.

3. Environmental factors- The type of environment an individual is brought up determines more, what and how the life of that individual becomes. It has been psychologically and sociologically proved that an individual who grows up in a harsh environment, becomes a very shy and egocentric person and also an individual who grows up under too much care of the parents without consideration, enjoys whatever he/she wants even when necessity demands or not, will grow up to have great phobia for hard work in his/her lifetime etc.

4. Mindset and mentality- As the saying goes, ‘whatever an individual conceives in the mind, determines his/her direction and also your character which further in turn determines your habit which is the life itself. In other words everybody is a product of his mentality about himself/herself, that is why despite the environment one grows, if the mind is made up in another direction the person tends to grow in that direction. The human mind is a wonderful thing that controls all conscious and sub-conscious activities and mentality, the particular way of thinking of a person or groups, which also can be fixed ideas that somebody has and that is often difficult to change. An overview of the mindset theory developed and refined by G. Witzer (1990). Individuals are more likely to fulfill some goals if they imagined when and where they will implement these behaviours called implementation intention. In implementing these intentions it comprises two broad phases, each phases initiates a distinctive profile of cognitive processes. The first stage is called pre-decisional or deliberative, during this phase individual need to decide which goal or set of goals to pursue. Their main objective is to choose the optimal goal and therefore they consider the benefits and drawbacks of each option openly without bias (Puca, 2001, Taylor and Gollwitzer 1995). The second phase is called post-decisional or implemental, during this phase individuals must initiate and action to realize the goal they selected, and their main objective is to remain committed to the goal. Hence, they often consider the benefits of the chosen goal neglecting contradictory information (Puca, 2001, Taylor and Gollwtzer 1995)

5. Gene/heredity- Hereditary materials, traits that are biologically transferred to a person, and these genes contains 46 chromosomes, out of which 23 chromosomes are from the father and 23 are from the mother. In these are contained the characteristics features of the progenitors and these features which are transferred to the progeny makes the progeny to act likely to the progenitor, for example an individual is likely to inherit temperamental excesses from the progenitors i.e. anger, excitement etc.

v Third Stage- Apportionment and justification of percentage values, general workings of all factors;

The way, manner, reason people behave the way they do are influenced and determined mostly by social, cultural and environmental settings and that is why it forms 70% of influencing factors of individual personality. The genes also affect personality because an individual cannot act outside what is inside of him or her because these things are already inherent part of that individual. The genes occupies 5% of determining factors of individual personality because the genes can be suppressed by the environment and also the environment makes the genes manifested to its fullest medium depending on how favourable the environment is. The mind which is the conscious and sub-conscious home of an individual also affects his/her personality because it is what is determined here an individual follows most often, if the mind does not agree with other factors the individual cannot be influenced by it and that is why it occupies 25% of the influencing factors. This can be exemplified using twins, twins are believed to have inherited the same genes from both parents and now if this twins grew up in the same social, cultural and environmental setting, then generally it is believed that they should possess the same personality and social behaviour, but it is not so because the mind function of a person is not the same with another person, no two individuals think the same way at all times, that is why even identical twins does not possess the same characters because the mindset of each is different. Hence, no individual can possess a well defined personality without the workings of all these factors. Nurture versus Nature according to Maclver, every phenomenon of life is the product of both environment and genes, each is as necessary to the result of other, neither can ever be eliminated and neither can be isolated. No society is a product of environment alone for men inherit physical heritage.

There is an incessant interaction between the two, they are inseparable. One man is a criminal, one is a militarist and another pacifist, both of these have been in operation since time immemorial to produce every particular situation and much of these are always produced by the interaction of gene substance and their environment. All qualities of life are in the genes, all the evocations of qualities depend on the environment. Genes have potentialities and environment offers a chance of bringing them out which follows the principles that the higher the potentiality, the greater the demand made on environment. The more elastic the life, the more it is at the mercy of the environment. That is why environment affect us most in the earlier years of our life.

©2011, May.

©All right reserved. For enquiries, constructive criticism, partnership contact the author @ emmanuelocheh@gmail.com,ochehemmanuel@yahoo.com, +2348064168207

Charisma and achievement takes a man to the TOP but it takes just character and attitude for the man to remain at that top, so watch your attitude because your attitude determines your altitude. So many people have lost it in one way or the other because of their personal disposure, first approach, simple greeting etc and so many are still at the verge of losing their friendship because of high self esteem or pride. It takes only you to make your world happy or sad, it takes only to control situations arround you, it takes only you to make the people arround know life is worth living, it takes only you to make your world your dreamed world. You can achieve all these first discovering yourself and making yourself relevant, because you can never be a gift to your generation if you dont know your gifting, there is sure difference between "living and existing" and this can be examplified with a man who died at age 40 and was buried at age 70. And i leave you with this "your generation will lose a man of valour and intergrity or a woman of virtues if you die without affecting your generation. 'Testimonies without counts' than 'testimonies within' " (join me as we peruse the word personatlity in our subsequent contact) >Ocheh Emmanuel>emmanuelocheh@ gmail.com<+2348064168207,