BUILDING A GODLY AND LASTING RELATIOINSHIP By Miss Naomi Idajili

Hosted on Relationship Clinic.

Convener: Mr. Ocheh, E. Emmanuel



by way of introduction, I will start by saying It doesn't matter how beautiful a structure is, if the foundation is faulty, the building will definitely collapse. It's just a matter of time.

So many relationships are built on faulty foundations, reasons why some of them collapse as a heart break or a divorce.

Now the question is, how do we build a Godly and lasting relationship??

To build means to develop and grow, or establish something that is abstract.

From the above definition, you will agree with me that every building does not begin with a block, it begins with a vision, a plan or a design.

It's important as an individual, to have a vision or a picture of the kind of marriage you desire to have. If it's a Kingdom marriage or the World's kind of marriage.

As believers, if we must have a Kingdom marriage, then we must be ready to follow and obey kingdom principles.

For the unbelievers, it might be ok to make Marital decisions based on physical attractions, personal judgements and so on, but for you as a believer that desires to build a Godly and lasting relationship/marriage the case is not the same.

It's important for us to know that God ordained marriage for the purpose of, fruitfulness, Dominion, multiplication, to produce Godly offsprings Gen 1:27-28, Mal 2:15b and to fulfill kingdom Agenda.

We must have God's intentions at heart even as we make the decision of whom to spend the rest of our lives with.

Very quickly I'll be sharing with us some some salient things to consider or put in place as we all trusting God for a Godly and lasting relationship that will lead to marriage and a forever experience ���

The first point I will like us to consider tonight is:-

1.INVOLVE GOD IN YOUR MARITAL DESTINY

marriage is an institution ordained by God himself, he identified man's need of a helper, and he created a helper suitable for him. A godly relationship is a relationship between 3 entities, God, the man and the woman. Where both parties (The Man and the woman) are taking reference from God.

Marriage is a continuation of what God is doing in your life. God does not prepare you in marriage, he begins to work on you even before you meet your spouse

It's important to identify your place of assignment as a man, and be committed to your walk with Him.

Also for the ladies, it's important that you allow yourself to be made by God, stay with Him until he makes you a suitable helper.

If we allow and involve God in our relationship affairs, he'll cause us to flow naturally into his perfect will. You won't struggle to get it right.

We all need to be committed to our walk with God and to building Godly virtues that will make us better individuals. This is very key

2. Count the cost: Luke 14:28-30

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’

This is what so many people experience when they do not count the cost before making their marital decision

Marriage is a forever commitment. More reason why so much effort is being invested to ensure that you get things right from the start of saying yes I will to saying yes I do���

Before you make your intentions known to a lady as a brother, please settle down count the cost, ask yourself some genuine and realistic questions; is God leading you?? Are you sure you're willing to spend the rest of your entire life with that sister?? Is she qualified to be the mother of your unborn children?? Are you sure you're willing to love her even unto death if need be?��� Can she walk through the journey of destiny with you?? Having an idea of God's intentions for your Life.

Please think about this ������

Same with you my beloved sisters, ask yourself real and genuine questions before saying yes to his proposal; is he qualified to be an authority over you?? are you willing to submit your all to him?? Please never say yes to a man you cannot submit to it's disastrous, try as much as possible to be real with yourself on the choice of whom to marry, even if God is leading you.

And if they're some obvious traits you cannot manage or live with please calm down and get things right before saying yes.

The third point we will consider

3. Follow kingdom principles:

I. Love and submission- Ephesians 5:21-33

Please do well to read up the scripture

The above scripture gives us a perfect picture of God's model of a Godly relationship/marriage.

A Godly relationship/marriage is one that is modeled after the relationship between Christ and the Church, where Christ is the head and the man in submission to the lordship of Christ, heads/leads the woman, loves the woman as Christ loves the church and the woman also submits to her husband as the church submits to Christ. The aim of love and submission is not for oppression but to bring the both parties to the point of perfect unity (The two shall become one flesh) just as Christ desires that we come into perfect unity with Him, as he is with the father.

We will have little or no problems in our Relationship/marriage if this principle is well understood.

Still on following kingdom principles, the next we will consider is SEXUAL PURITY

ii. Sexual purity

Any relationship built on sexual immorality will lead to future infidelity, distrust and disloyalty.

Marriage is honourable with the bed undefiled. Your bodies are the Temple of the Holy ghost, therefore glorify God with your body.

Do not allow the pleasures of today, deprive you of the glory that's ahead of you. You do yourself good by not starting your relationship on the bed of immortality. There's time for everything under the sun...so wait for the right time!

Lastly

4. Seek parental counsel, consent and approval

It is very important to seek counsel and approval from both biological and spiritual fathers and mentors. Talk to them about your relationship, make it open, Incase of any reservations or objection from them look into it, pray about it, and trust God to lead you.



Allow things to flow naturally, don't force yourself on anybody and don't allow anyone force themselves on you. If it is the will of God, then he is committed to make it happen.

As a way of summary

Having a Godly and lasting relationship/marriage is possible, if we allow God to lead us work on us and follow His own principal.

Remember, the foundations of the Lord standeth sure...God will not bend his principles to suit us, we are to subject ourselves to his will, if we really want to have it His own way.

I will like to end by sharing a bit of my experience..

I had to end a relationship that lasted for about 7years, because so much was neglected from the foundation. If I had known some of the things I knew now, then I wouldn't have gone into it in the first place. My dear it's never too late to visit your foundation oo, nor too late to get things right, perhaps you're in a relationship and you feel that some of this things are not in place, you can get things right with your partner, check it out with God and peradventure it's not working, please... move oo, don't say you have gone too far. It's never too late to redirect your steps

God bless you all

Question 1: This most times has been a challenge especially to sisters...at times one will say God spoke expressly but then she is waiting for her mentors and Spiritual father to approve... at times 2 people might give their approvals while 1 or 2 didn't believe in the relationship you are about to enter and it will place the sister in dare confusion....what can be in such a case Ma?

Questions 2: This is a very interesting topic, but please how do we handle this part of the sexual purity, because it appears the devil has really taken the hearts of men full force on this issue that you hardly can get a faithful man even the so called men of God, believers. Please how do we help our sisters from this problem as a Christian trying to follow what the Bible is saying, and we keep changing relationship because of just five minutes pleasure.

Answer: Remember I started with the fact that we need to involve God in our marital destiny, and the need to be committed to our walk with God as well. So you'll know how God speaks or relates with you

To your question, the final decision/conviction of whom to marry must come from you, cos that's one of the very important thing that will help you to stand in the face of trials. Personally I won't even involve them about someone that the spirit is not bearing witness for me, there should be a level of conviction for you before involving them. I advise you do your homework very well so that when you're going to meet them, it will be more of a confirmation for you. But I know they're cases where you're convinced and then one or two persons are not in agreement to it. That's why I said earlier that you should take time and look into their observations, don't allow your emotions to blindfold you, give them that respect and give it time. Let God reveal it to them as well if it's truly his will.

There's no need to be under undue pressure, if you're sure God is involved, it's just a matter of time, you'll get your full approval

Answer 2: The issue of sexual immorality is of outmost concern in our time where it is now abnormal to live in sexual purity... you hear people making statements like they can't marry a virgin... like seriously??

We live in a time where saying yes to someone is saying yes to sex, even when you both are yet to be married

Like I said earlier, God will not bend or change his standards for any man even if you're an apostle.

Sex outside marriage is a sin against your body which is the Temple of God.

I'll give some few points on how to handle sexual purity.

1. Make a deliberate decision and discipline to live in sexual purity.

2. Ensure you're on the same page with your partner, make it clear from the beginning - no sex before marriage, if he or she refuses, you move, cos his submission to God's word is questionable.

3. Flee flee flee: when it comes to the Matter of sexual immorality, the bible always admonishes us to flee, just flee, don't try to claim Superman or you are strong enough to share same room, same bed with an opposite sex alone, you will shock yourself, Just flee, flee every appearance of lust please flee



Above all trust the Holyspirit to help you, declare your vulnerability to him, it's not by strength nor by might, it's by the spirit... and it is Christ who worketh in us, both to will and to do of his good pleasure.



Thank you for reading through and I believe you have learnt and gained one or two things from this piece.



If you wish to reach or contact us:(emmanuelocheh@gmail.com, +2348064168207, +2349150991071)

DOES TRUE LOVE ACTUALLY EXIST?

DOES TRUE LOVE ACTUALLY EXIST

This has been a frequent question among so many people, partners, frustrated lovers, unprivileged ties etc, 

Especially young people who have been in some sort of relationship that never pulled through and were left heart broken,

And in a bid to remedy for previous regret, they totally erode issue of love from their mind when venturing into another relationship

They start another relationship not because they believe in love any more but because of fantasies and fun that comes with dating and hanging out

While in this state of *"does true love actually exit"* they start raising innocent disciples in that school of thought until many are driven away by the thought as to whether true love actually exist.

Join me in our next edition as we answer this great question; *DOES TRUE LOVE ACTUALLY EXIST?*

I am happy to announce to you that ❤️&U is back again, you can always follow up on our editions on  Wednesdays and Saturdays on:

Relationship Clinic (WhatsApp)

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I love you

Your comfort is my assignment

❤️&U

Ocheh Emmanuel

PREPARATION FOR RELATIONSHIP. PART 6

Lovely greetings to you from Love and You on Treasure Network. 

Thank you for joining us on today's edition. 

PREPARATION FOR RELATIONSHIP. Part 6

In our previous series we established that before you talk about being compatible with a partner, you should ask yourself if you really like this person. 

If someone likes you but you don’t feel the same way for the person, that is not a healthy start for a relationship. You should not allow some one force love on you. 

You should have a relationship with someone you really like for reasons that are easy to understand. 

We shall continue from here. 

3. AGREEMENT 

This is another item to bear in mind while preparing for a relationship. Agreement is fundamental to the success of any romantic relationship. The Bible says that were there is agreement, there is much power. 

You can't afford to build a lasting marital bond with someone you don't agree with.  Such relationship will not stand the test of time. 

You need someone who sees most things the way you do. That doesn't MEAN that if compatibility exists between you and that person, you will always agree on every issue. No, far from it. 

Compatibility doesn't mean that your partner becomes a robot who accepts anything you do no matter what. You and that person are separate individuals and different personalities, so,  no matter how you agree on certain issues, you will still have some areas of disagreement. Such areas of disagreement is a key to balance into your relationship. 

Such disagreement will never threaten the harmonious bond in your relationship if both of you are compatible. You can't disagree with malice, anger or bitterness. It takes maturity to realise that disagreement doesn’t mean that person doesn’t respect you as a person. 

You have to be emotionally secure to know that your partner loves you and is thinking of your very best interest even when he/she disagrees with some of your seemingly good ideas. Some people are insecure so they interpret any form of disagreement as an attack on their person. 

But no matter how you see things, there is a place where you should both agree. This is the place of life philosophy, principles and values. If you both agree on certain values and principles, you will eventually work things out no matter how much you disagree on certain issues. 

That's it for today's edition. 

Until we come your way same time next week. Do have a lovely weekend. 

I remain Ocheh Emmanuel, Love and You on Treasure Network.

WHY DO WOMEN OVER REACT by Ocheh Emmanuel.

When the emotional intensity and severity of your behaviour doesn’t match the situation at hand, YOU ARE OVER REACTING
We all get angry; however women more often than men, and atimes we ask, could this because the women folk feel powerless, out of control, unsecured, injustice?. Anger is not a bad thing actually but over reacting is another matter on its own entirely, sometimes is perceived that the closer your attachment and relationship with someone the more their words seems to affect to you
Though often than ever there is a show of external over reactions by visible responses that others can see (e.g lashing out in anger, throwing your hands up and walking away from a situation etc.) and there is an exhibition of internal over reaction through emotional responses that remains inside that others may or may not be aware of; most especially wondering if you said the right thing, over analyzing a comment made by a friend or loved one. Personally I have come to discover that most times statements made while over reacting to an issue always attracts response of same velocity with the statements so made out of over reaction.
Many a times over the years there have been issues when it comes to understanding women, though it is generally believed that women are guided by their emotions rather than rational thinking, women compared to men are more open with their emotions, therefore it is recognized they are more emotional than logical and often act irrationally.
It is no surprise that many men and women have trouble agreeing on certain things. The fact is that we are different, and with those differences comes huge misunderstandings.
Carpenter opines in his work “power of the sub-conscious mind” that besides the physical differences, there are emotional differences and, as a result, men and women interact differently, it went further to state that men are goal oriented and want to work out their problems alone, most women are more into relationship and feelings. They need to talk to someone who just listens, these are valid differences, but even if you do not know this much, man and women can still talk and get along, at worst if the differences are too large, they can go their separate ways. 
Perhaps the root of what causes the constant clashing of words between the two sexes is the fact that while most men can simply make a decision and stick to it whether they regret it or not, women have no problem changing every detail of their original plan even if it is last minute or it causes much more inconvenience than necessary.

THEY ARE INDECISIVE:
Women can go from being in a fantastic mood to suddenly miserable mood within minutes. The reason for attitude swings of this nature is not PMS (premenstrual syndrome) or other hormonal factors they try to blame it on, it is simply because they cannot decide if they want to be in a good or bad mood.
They also change their mood based on whom they are surrounded with to act more in accordance to how they feel when their behavior is really just putting a damper on everyone else’s good time. These are the kind of women that change their clothes five to ten times before leaving the house or randomly refuse to speak if they are around someone that they dislike. Deciding on a restaurant suddenly becomes a difficult task, but not as difficult as figuring out which change of plans she’ll come up with at the last minute.
Much of the indecision may be influenced by the way a woman can react. Something as simple as a text message can be analyzed and read into for a half hour when the only words in the message read “hey what are you up to today?”. She will ask everyone of her friends what it might mean and how the question was supposed to be delivered when in actuality the guy was probably just wondering what your plans were for the day. Women also overreact after their friend does something that irks them for some reason. While women go through friends like they never even existed, men tend to see the situation for what it is and resolve the problem instead of cutting communication off and searching for new friends.
While men are in a bad mood, they know it’s only a pointless distraction and then get on with their lives. Women, on the other hand seem to have the urge to become more vocal about their problems, regardless of how unimportant the issue may be. They will complain to whoever listens and when asked why they are in such a craze they simply blame it on hormones.
It has gotten to a point in time where women straight up know they are overreacting yet decide to blame it on that lovely time of the month. They blame so much of their irrational actions on their hormones or PMS that men now have reason to believe that the cycle of a woman’s period never stops, it just gets particularly worse for a certain four days.
Women just don’t know how to deal with what goes on in their heads. This is why they need men, to witness how different life could be if men don`t succumb to the urge to break down emotionally every time they are not pleased with the current situation. If only women were not too distracted by their overreactions to learn why men don’t handle stress the way they do.
Women still do not understand that letting inconvenience get the best of you does not help you feel better. They need to acknowledge how pointless it is to get worked up over little things. If someone offends you, consider the possibility that the insult is not about you. Maybe the neighbor who snapped at you was just given a pay cut at work and is feeling discouraged, or the person who cut you off in traffic is rushing to the hospital to see the birth of his first child. Make up a back story that makes sense and put a positive spin on whatever is triggering your emotional response.

Scholarly Dr. Judith P. Siegel suggests asking yourself the following questions to assess whether you have a problem with overreacting.
=Do you often:
-Regret things you say in the heat of emotion?
-Lash out at loved ones?
-Have to apologize to others for your actions or words?
-Feel surprised at your seemingly uncontrollable reactions?
-Assume the worst about people and situations?
-Withdraw when things get emotionally overwhelming?
If you answered “yes” to the questions above you may struggle with overreaction.

EFFECTS OF OVER REACTION IN RELATIONSHIPS AND WAY OUT
Does your wife/girlfriend scream, yell or swear at you? Do you feel your wife/girlfriend is going emotional, controlling, officious, domineering or volatile? And your relationship is making you feel like you’re slowly going crazy? Do you feel like you’re persistently criticized because you’re not able to meet her desires and, feel powerless and overwhelmed because she puts you in no- win situations? And that you become hyper- vigilant sometimes to any change in her mood or potential outburst, which leaves you in fear because you can’t predict her responses? You’re left feeling dazed and confused; not knowing which end is up. If so, you’re probably involved with an emotionally obnoxious woman. This is highly stressful because it also requires you to be hyper-vigilant and in a constant state of defense for incoming attacks, some women are emotionally unstable and fly off the deep end all the time.
Dr. Phil states, if handled with moderation and a keen eye toward a better future, arguments can be healthy, so you’d best to learn how to get through them with minimal troubles.
What we can simply do is to pretend that we understand as to be just and to spare ourselves from dead end arguments or full thriving screaming matches. Or you can possibly have a time limit, allows your partner to retreat from an outburst and then resume the argument with dignity.
There are more tips to deal with your emotional wife/girlfriend when she is upset, has mood swings, makes drama and acts irrationally. There can be three situations for her emotional, ridiculous, bizarre and illogical behavior.

=Situation 1; when it is someone else’s fault:
- Whenever your wife/girlfriend is displeased, offended and losing control over her nerves then all she wants from you is unconditional acceptance, love, respect, security and protection, she wants someone to be there for her. So, sit near to her, make her feel that you’re present there just to keep her company, to calm her and to serene her soul so that she can communicate honestly, be herself, and feel emotionally safe.
-After assuring your presence for her the next step is to listen to her. Don’t just listen and vacantly stare at her but also say the words, “So then what happened?” or “And how did you feel when she said that?” and then repeat back what you think you heard. This is what we call “reflective listening.” But don’t interrupt her. Don’t cross your arms or act fidgety or act like you can’t wait to get away.
You may have to practice it because mostly men are not used to actively listen without simultaneously figuring out a solution to a woman’s problem while she’s still talking about it. When it seems like she is finished talking, tell her what you think she has just said to you using your own words which may seem superfluous but it will assure her that you really did listen to her and absorbed what she said.
It is obvious that you cannot agree with someone completely. In fact, you can disagree all you want. But at that time don’t voice your disagreement. Men don’t understand that blowing a woman off when she’s upset makes the whole thing last longer and she’ll resent them for it and resentment builds up over time, which gradually diminishes the relationship.
- Third step is to make her realize that you are unhappy and appalling to hear about all that. You can say “Do you know how it makes me feel to know you’re so unhappy? It makes me feel awful!” This is a classic turn-the-tables phrase that can succeed in stalling a woman’s escalating emotional state, might result in her apologizing to you and win you a “back scratch”. Following these steps you can deal with such sort of situation.

=Situations 2, when it is your fault:
- When your wife/girlfriend is upset or is crying or arguing with you perhaps you might have not attended her, let her down, had crushed her soul or disappointed her then put on your most empathetic face whilst stroking her hair, and ask with as much concern in your voice as you possibly rustle up, “Oh my dear, why you are so upset?” And when she will reply you, you then need to respond with something along the lines of: ‘Ooh, wow, I didn’t even realize I was doing that (or not doing that). You know I would never do anything to intentionally upset you. don’t you know? I’m sorry, and I will try to make more effort to do (or not to do), such and such in future.’  If you take this approach, your crying girlfriend problem should be resolved in no time.
- Make an apology, express regret and act contrite and it’s best to tell her what she wants to hear, and yes you do have to actually mean at least some of it. Don’t forget to listen to her. Always remember that you have to listen in all situations either it’s yours fault, someone else’s or her own!
- Try to create feeling of trust with a woman. A woman will feel emotionally safe with a man who is emotionally available, straightforward, trustworthy and authentic. These are emotional character strengths she can respect and admire in a man. A man of character and emotional depth is a man who knows who he is and likes himself. His strength is not physical so much as it is in the clarity of his mind and emotions. These are character strengths that a woman not only have a high regard for, but feels safe with.

=Situations 3, when it is her own fault:
When your wife/girl friend had mood swings or don’t want to talk to you and you know that you are not the reason for that, there’s really only one way to deal with this one, simply let her know that you are ready to listen when she’s ready to talk.
- If she is throwing temper tantrum, going crazy, yelling and freaking out and you are unaware of the reason then the wisest thing to do is to wait till she’s calmed down and ignore the out of control behavior in the mean time. If your woman is a particularly feisty one, you can leave the house for an hour or so, and then she can reflect on her behavior and with a bit of luck, when you return she will come running into your arms pleading for forgiveness.
- If you feel the urge to do something about this situation immediately, the best thing you can do instantly is to approach her with wide arms and whip out the hair stroking weapon. Then you can try to resolve the problem using the techniques described above.
- The most important thing to mention here is never call your wife/girlfriend “A Psycho”. There are times when a woman will accept being called a nag and even accept that she’s being a bitch, but no woman ever wants to be called a psycho.
- Moreover, a woman feels protected if she believes the relationship is going somewhere. Obviously, she will behave rationally when she knows that her relationship is strong and will work out. Contrary to this, when it seems to her that there is no benefit of investing her time with someone and there might be a break up after getting emotionally invested in a man then she cannot control her nerves and will definitely go crazy because there will be a fear of losing someone special.

It is correctly said:  
- When a man is distant emotionally or physically from her it may bring up feelings of loneliness, or fear of a break up. Seeking this type of emotional safety can lead to emotional drama. So, to avoid her irrational acts, psychodrama and her unbearable mood swings you have to take the above mentioned steps along, shower on her your care, affection, warmth, friendliness, tenderness and kindness.
Life is too short so instead of disagreeing and arguing enjoy your life and give your partner plenty of love and happiness! Thanks.

This piece is open to your constructive comments, criticisms, contributions etc via 08064168207, 07059295047, emmanuelocheh@gmail.com  www.newageinitiative.blogspot.com 

THE KING AND HIS HORN

A KING: is one vested with the authority or dominion over a kingdom or community.  Someone especially a male who exercises authority over a large group of people.
THE HORN: 1Sam 2:10c He will give strength to His king and exalt the HORN of His anointed.(NKJV)
He will strengthen His king and exalt the POWER of his anointed (NET)
Horn in the Mosaic age signified “Authority” it can also be seen as a symbol of royal dignity and strength. An emblem of power, dominance and fierceness as they are major means of attack and defense even by the animals having them.
This piece seeks to reveal the STRENGTH AND WEAKNESS of the “Horn” which signifies Authority (Hebrew: Toqeph< to`-kef> power, strength, energy).
The power of a man or a king is often measured by the extent to which he exercises his authority on his subjects, this authority though sometimes might be limited or unlimited. The strength and weakness of such authority are mostly viewed by the “actions” and “inactions” of the man exercising it at that given time or period.
A man with authority is likely to be a self reliant man and such a man is morally certain to display some weakness. A man again who is consciously strong at some point, is likely to think that his authority at that point will make up for his carelessness at other points, for example you often see men of great intellect who are morally weak and loose and who count on their intellectual authority to cover up for their moral deficiency.
The man who is financially strong is now and then tempted to believe that money can carry him over the lack of courtesy or consideration for others.
All these can be exemplified in biblical characters and heroes such as the followings:

KING DAVID`S LUST AND MURDER: King David was a man vested with so much authority to the point that a tender age as a youth (30 years) in his time, he was already a king(2 Sam 5:4). Never lost a battle or a war, reigned in authority over Hebron and Israel. King David however through his depraved desires ostentatiously exercised authority in gaining a carnal knowledge of married Bethesheba(Uriah`s wife) and single handedly masterminded the death of Uriah via his authority .

KING SOLOMON`S LUXIRIOUSNESS:  King Solomon reigned in authority over all the land conquered by his father David without fighting a single battle throughout his reign, God granted unto him wisdom through which he acquired so much wealth and fame( 1Kings 10:14-29), gained so much authority even beyond his territory (even part of Egypt) with his authority he converted all the Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites in Israel  into the slave labour force of the land, converted all Israelites into his fighting men, officials in various capacities in the land. King Solomon however loved many foreign women, married seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines (a community).

Among the aforementioned are:
Abraham`s falsehood
Samson`s  virility and fall
Moses’ zealousness and anger
Peter`s dominion and pretence etc.
All of these characters dully exercised authority in their various capacities, attracted the regards and submission of their followers, walked in authority to attain successes in various heights , though these authority were of no doubt not void of weakness as seen in their various shortfalls.

 

 

THE POWER OF THE MIND AND TEMPERAMENT ON HEALTHY LIVING by Ocheh E, Emmanuel.

Mind- The mind is the faculty of consciousness and thought.
Temperament- Temperament is a person`s nature in terms of the effect it portrays on their behaviour.

Temperament can also been seen as individual motivations and emotions which is considered to be the biological and physiological components of personality and also the sum total of the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and social dimensions of an individual.

We have four basic temperament  which are: The Sanguine (cheerful); The Choleric (irritable); The Melancholic (gloomy) and The Phlegmatic (apethetic)
These two concepts have their various effects on our healthy living, although the inter play of both are interwoven, and every actions displayed are products of the mind and by extension the temperament

Anger and Sadness
When you are sad or angry, better still when you allow yourself to get angry or sad your system releases adrenalin (i.e aggressive hormone) which makes your heart pumps faster than necessary and when that happens it over works the vein and causes  it to die down and it leads to stroke and often times when in the state of anger your system releases acid that burns your heart and which most times results to ulcer, asthma which suggests why most people who are always angry or sad falls victim of ulcer. > way out: Simply pray that God will help you to live in happiness with everybody and learn to develop positive attitude.

Mental Stress
This is the stress of the brain. The mind is located in the brain, you stress up your brain when you have a lot of issues bothering your mind e.g issues relating to your academics, marital relationship, family, your health etc. it results to mental stress, also when things don’t work out the way you expect them to, this accounts for why most times you sleep and still wake up with headaches. Mental stress is worse than physical stress, when you are physically stressed up, you can rest and be refreshed but mental stress rest cannot really solve it.

Symptoms of mental stress
-Persistent migraine i.e aching on the forehead or one side of the head
-Aggressiveness: always angry with anything you come across
-Isolating yourself
-You see some people as the reason for your sadness
-You feel most people hates you (your parents, brothers, sisters etc)
-You are sad and you can’t really figure out the cause of your sadness

Consequences of mental stress
-It reduces your efficiency: what you know how to do, you will not be able to do it again
-It affects your relationship with people because you think they are the cause of your problem and when they greets you , you respond reluctantly and they see it as pride.
-It makes you lazy because you feel what you are doing is not yielding results , so it encourages procrastination and idleness
-It reduces your ability to pray and equally meditate

Way out
-Develop a personal relationship with God because He is the best companion  and relax in Him when things are not ok, know that He is in control
-Always have the consciousness that tough times don`t last
-Always confide in trustworthy persons to share your problems with as a problem shared is a problem half solved, don`t die in silence.

c/o 08064168207,07059295047, emmanuelocheh@gmail.com, www.newageinitiative.blogspot.com

THE "JANUS" FACE OF LIFE by Ocheh Emmanuel

Life in entirety to some people has remained a puzzle that needs to be cracked, a challenge to be met, a conquest to be won, a seemingly battle field to be fought, a gift to be accepted, an opportunity to be tapped, a journey to be completed.
The most interesting thing about life is that life in general can be portrayed as a “Janus”, contextually can be viewed as having a dual (two) face which in most times its very hard for an individual to escape passing through one of the face or the both faces, while some people have gotten themselves usurped in the absurdities of one face, others have ensured a sit tight in another face.
Now, in thought and action one can separate life into these two faces which are: the discouraging (dark), or unpleasant and the encouraging, pleasant or good faces; and certainly there are two classes of people on these two faces of life, there is a class trailing on the unpleasant side of life with the expectation that it will be well someday. Others in the same class see life as an unfortunate phenomena characterized with horrific events, and in most cases gives up on themselves, gives up on the possibility of a bright future, possibility to attain a good and comfortable life, while on the other hand we have the class of people on the good side of life, who see and enjoy the bright side of life
It is good to note that the people who have contributed more to societal growth and development are the very people who appreciated the both faces of life.
Taking a close look at life most especially the unpleasant face of life, one would tend to wonder if “passing through the unpleasant or difficult part of life is actually a blessing or a curse”? In an attempt to proffer solution to this great mystic and at the same time a problem, an empirical analysis of the phenomenon will do, through a look at the antecedence and aftermath.
Life in the dark side is always characterized with one or more of these: difficulties, anxiety, sorrow, weeping, depression, challenges, frustration, disappointment , misfortunate, uncertainty, insecurity, fear of the unknown, hardships, lack etc. all these are sometimes occasioned by natural disasters, inevitable phenomenon, unseen forces or powers, laziness, ignorance, neglects, complacency, lack of prudence, lack of planning or goals, shallow mind etc.
Life indeed is a journey, there are times one face might be rough (i.e unpleasant) and equally at other times the other face might be smooth.
The attainment of a favourable outcome in each face boils down to how one was or is able to harness, explore and use a particular face as it is a determined and certain phenomenon in the life of any individual.
It is often said that there is no glory without a story, no testimony without a test, the scholars often say that those who are rich were at one point of their life poor or tasted poverty, lack and difficulty. Great men who are on the good face of life have also passed through the unpleasant side of life.
Winston Churchill opines that “ without a measureless and perpetual uncertainty the drama of life will be destroyed” also Plato supports with the saying “ that life must be lived as play”  and Socrates purports “ that an unexamined life is not worth living”.
The aforementioned suggests that life can be viewed as a “ Janus” having two faces. Often at times one face prepares an individual for another face. A popular preacher once said if you have not tasted poverty you might not really know how to manage wealth, if you have not been hated before you might not know how to appreciate love or give love, if you have never been in lack you might not know how to manage abundance.
In our contemporary society, most people find it difficult to successfully transcend the unpleasant face of life because they gives too much credence to the past and the present with little or no optimism for the future. Rick Warren in his work “ Purpose driven life” opines that ‘though we are product of our past we should not be prisoners to our past’ we have got to let go of the past so we won`t hamper the joy of the future and the good side of life.
Challenges often comes to make us stronger and prepare us for the other face of life, so that we might enjoy the other face of life, giving up in the unpleasant face of life is the giving up God`s purpose for life thereby missing the joy, the happiness, the testimony, the glory, the fulfillment, accomplishment, reality, upliftment that lies on the other face etc.
A man starting small in life does not mean he will end up small, you struggled with attaining success in academic, business, relationship, family life, parenting, career pursuit does not mean you will end a failure; you lost your source of livelihood, your parent or parents, your guardian, mentor, benefactor and you are struggling in life, it does not mean you will end up in hardship; you suffering as a single parent to bring up your children does not mean it`s the end of the tunnel; you struggling for years looking for job does not mean you will end up unemployed; you are struggling to get a desired grade, success, to be a better student does not mean you will not make it in the society; that you faced neglect, dejection, rejection does not mean you will end up in the gutter.
Life, they say are in stages and phases. A dullard and drop out yesterday is a multi-billionaire today, a man rejected yesterday is celebrated today, the unemployed yesterday is the biggest employer of labour today, a pitiful tenant yesterday is a big landlord today , a man who lacked finance to finish or get the best in educational pursuit yesterday is the owner of an academic institution today, the man who lacked sandals to go to school yesterday, buys countless shoes in tenths of thousands today, a woman who couldn’t treat her parent of cancer yesterday has  various NGOs that gives free cancer treatment to people today, the man who drove a motor cycle with a community alerting sound yesterday is counting his cars (rides) today, the woman who had no child of her own drawing attention yesterday is counting her children today, the minister who started with a congregation of 10-15 members in a thatch roof  yesterday, ministers to hundreds of people in a cathedral today and so many in exhaustive list. Life is in cycle.
Conclusively is good to learn how to appreciate each face of life and be thankful to God. Let me end this piece with the ideas of some great men.
The expectations of life depends upon diligence; the whole secret of a successful life is to find out what is one`s destiny to do and then do it; the happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts; dwell on the beauty of life, watch the stars and see yourself running with them; who is not courageous enough to take risk will accomplish nothing in life; I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter; as a well spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death; the best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Thanks for making out time to read this piece as it is helpful to both you and that person beside you already contemplating giving up. Join me as we change the society for the better and make it worth living. Special acknowledgement to Ocheh Joy and Ocheh Michael for editing this piece. Thank you all.
Contacts: emmanuelocheh@gmail.com, 08064168207, 07059295047, www.newageintiative.blogspot.com, http://community.elders.org/ocheh-emmanuel.